Peanuts Joke Novels & Stories

Vincent pov I laugh so hard my eyes water. I haven't heard anything so ridiculous and stupid in a long time. The last time someone made me laugh like that was in high school. But the look on my Beta's face can only mean how serious his question was. I wipe away my tears and straighten my posture. Like a kid trying to look serious, I clear my throat a few times before speaking up. "That was a great joke, my friend, but warn me next time before you try to say something so absurd. One of these days, I might choke on a piece of food and die. Do you want it?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Is this lunch?" "Whenever you wanna eat it." He shrugs. "It's just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some chips and cookies." "What kind of peanut butter and jelly?" "Crunchy peanut butter, strawberry jelly on white." "And the chips?" "Funyuns. I put a breath mint in there too, because I know you're self-conscious about it." I'm feeling lucky to know he's remembered all of this about me. For some reason I need to know he remembers the rest. "What about the cookies?"

A message bubble lit up under his name, cheerful and oblivious. Just another one of his dry, stupid jokes—something about his dinner being so terrible he was convinced the restaurant was trying to assassinate him with undercooked chicken. He'd probably attached one of those ridiculous GIFs he was always finding, something animated and silly that was meant to make me laugh.

"And who knows, maybe I'll even remember it and tell it to someone else someday." Ida grinned. "Oh no, please don't subject anyone else to that joke. I wouldn't want to be responsible for causing anyone else's eyes to roll," she joked. Avery laughed. "Don't worry, I won't hold it against you. But, if you want to hear a real joke, I've got one for you." "Okay, hit me with it," Ida said, leaning in. "Why did the chicken cross the playground?" Avery asked. "I don't know, why?" Ida replied.

“Just trying to be realistic about what this one’s going to let me get away with today. Would you eat PB and J when corndogs were on offer?” “Daddy, Daddy, I want a corndog!” I heaved a withering sigh. “Case in point,” I said a bit dryly. “Fair enough. I’m relieved you didn’t bring a peanut butter and tuna sandwich,” she said. I laughed, remembering that conversation with fondness. “Oh, wait, you didn’t want to eat that today? Damn, I had a whole dinner planned and everything,” I teased. “Peanut butter and tuna?” Noah asked incredulously. “That’s gross!”

“Wait, I’ve got more. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?” He side-eyes me. “What?” “A can’t opener.” Levi groans, shaking his head. “You’re actually proud of that one.” I grin. “Of course I am. Little bit.” He tosses some chopped parsley into the pan. “These jokes are terrible.” “You asked for it and you’re still laughing.” He tries to hide it, but I catch the corner of his mouth twitching again. “I’m humoring you.” “Uh huh. Okay. One last one. Promise.”

They chuckle lightly at my joke and I'm glad it didn't go over their heads. “This is your first time meeting us”. One of the men says…I've genuinely forgotten his name and pack. “What do you think? Do you also think Fern is a dickhead?”. The Fern in question throws a butter knife, landing it perfectly between the man's hands on the table. “Shut up, Keren”. I can't tell if it's a joke but Keren doesn't flinch, just turns to me and shrugs in mock surrender. “I told you”. He says. The table chuckles again and I realize then that it must be a joke. What…a unique sense of humor.

First I put the peanut butter on the floor, I quickly took off my pajamas and panties. Tangeks, what did I eat that suddenly hurts? As far as I remember, I didn't eat anything that could be with the stomach? maybe I ate karma or what? Karma is impossible to fear for me. I looked at the peanut butter, it seemed to light up and told me to take it and use it. "Can't you wait huh?" I frowned. "Ms. Vee, who are you talking to there?" "Don't get caught! I'm talking to myself!" I yelled. He really has no way, no. Can't he see este can't he here that we're having fun eight now and I don't want to be disturbed!

Heavy with shit we weren’t saying. I cleared my throat. “Alright. That’s enough depressing hospital talk. You know what would really make my day better?” He glanced at me, brows raised. “A really dumb joke.” Andrew blinked. Then tilted his head a little, lips twitching like he was fighting a smile. “A dumb joke?” I nodded, lips curving around the cigarette still hanging from my mouth. “Come on. Hit me.” He gave me a look—half skeptical, half amused. “Fine. What do you call a sad strawberry?”

" Ian frowned at the question. Ian (8:15 pm) : What kind stupid question are you asking? Irritating Twat (8:16 pm) : Don't know the answer? Ian (8:16 pm): No. Irritating Twat (8:17 pm) : Because it is made out of cells! Haha! Ian gaped at the message for a long time before a small laugh escaped his mouth. The joke was really lame but it was funny.