Funny Fat Jokes Novels & Stories

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

Tess betrayed by her boyfriend left the city without telling a soul, with only one thing on her mind, “revenge”.

Rose Watson spent years surviving two things: poverty… and David Robinson. Soccer prodigy. Male model. Arrogant jerk. He made fun of her weight and her poverty. She made sure he regretted opening his mouth. They fight. They insult each other. They can't stand being in the same room. Until one engagement changes everything. Forced to work side by side, Rose discovers that her worst enemy is hiding secrets she never expected—and David realizes the "fat girl" he mocked all his life is the only woman he can't walk away from. But when hatred turns into desire, and old wounds refuse to heal. Who will surrender first? Her biggest bully. His greatest nemesis. One love story neither of them saw coming. Fat Girl's Nemesis — a hilarious, emotional enemies-to-lovers romance filled with banter, heartbreak, jealousy, and a love worth fighting for.

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?

What happens when a wedding planner has to work alongside a temperamental and annoying bride's brother to plan the wedding of the year? Chaos, pure chaos. The last thing Violet needed was a man to touch her slightly not so flat stomach (or perhaps it was a little more than slightly not to flat) and press her against a wall. She wasn't a model, and she knew it. So naturally, she just sucks her stomach in. Violet prided herself on creating the best weddings society has ever seen, the last thing she needed was to go head to head with the bride's brother, when planning Melbourne's biggest wedding of the year. Alex was everything Violet could dream about, but not touch. Handsome, built straight out of a magazine with the six pack. Was his interest in Violet genuine, or just another charm for the bedrest?

My competitive eater classmate, Selina Reeves, bound me to a fat transfer system. No matter how much food she ate, I was the one who gained weight. Later, she was named one of the top 100 food bloggers while I ballooned to 200 pounds and lost my job. My boyfriend did not seem to mind. He even proposed with unwavering confidence. A month later, Selina entered a competitive eating contest and devoured 20 pounds of ribs in one sitting. The excessive fat intake triggered acute hypertension, and I died on the spot. My husband inherited my substantial fortune, then turned around and married Selina without a second thought. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself three months in the past. Selina's food streaming career was just starting to gain traction, and I still weighed 90 pounds. This time, I snatched the ten-inch cake right out of her hands and ate every last bite. She had no idea I had bound myself to a food transfer system. No matter how much I ate, it would transfer to her stomach tenfold.

Alpha Sherwood called me fat, barren, and boring — in front of hundreds of witnesses. Just a year later, I’m unrecognizable. He isn’t. There’s a secret I’ve been carrying since one reckless night with a stranger I never expected to see again — and an ultrasound photo I can’t afford to let anyone find. My family sold me once for an alliance. Now they’re selling me again — to Alpha Jason Salford, a man hiding behind a wheelchair and a lie his own grandmother helped him tell. He has no idea who just walked back into his world. Or what she’s hiding beneath her dress.

“You’re too fat to be my Luna.” Those seven words from my fated mate destroyed me. Alpha Derek rejected me in front of the entire pack, chose my skinny stepsister instead, and made my life a living hell. They starved me, beat me, and laughed as I suffered. But I survived. I escaped. I transformed. And I became everything they said I could never be. Now I’m back—stronger, fiercer, and mated to the most powerful Lycan King in existence. Derek’s on his knees, begging for a second chance. Too bad I’m done being the weak, broken girl he threw away. This time, I’m the one doing the rejecting.

I've just left the washroom when Vanessa Shallow, who has just returned from her maternity leave, covers her mouth as she laughs at me. "Wow, you really are quick when it comes to bathroom breaks, huh? No wonder your sales performance is increasing by leaps and bounds! I suppose it's all thanks to your ability to take off your pants very quickly!" Vanessa acts as though she's joking as she starts making faces at the male colleagues around us. "Right, I forgot how prideful young ladies are nowadays! They can't seem to accept such truths when spoken in such a blunt manner!" The colleagues burst out laughing in a lecherous way afterward. Their perverted gazes keep clinging to my legs the whole time. As I stare at Vanessa's slightly bloated face, my gaze grows cold. It seems that she's so anxious to get her position as the project leader back that she's willing to shed even her sense of shame and propriety. I take a step forward and speak up. "I'm not as skilled as you are when it comes to such things, Vanessa. After all, not everyone is capable of making Mr. Studdard visit their home every midnight during their maternity leave." As soon as my words fall, the previously rowdy office goes deathly silent.

I walked in on my own birthday cake and my sister in my fiancé's bed. Same night, same house, same face as mine — because Noel and I are twins, and she's spent her whole life proving she can take anything that's ever been mine. He hit me for calling her a liar. She smiled when he did it. So I did the one thing neither of them saw coming. I got in my car. I found the nearest bar. I kissed a stranger like he could erase three years in one night. I didn't ask his name. Didn't need it — until it was on every headline in the country the next morning, and I was the scandal standing next to it. Ace Stone doesn't marry for love. He marries because his grandfather's will gave him ninety days and no room to lose his empire to a boardroom full of vultures. I don't marry for money. I marry because my mother's heart won't survive the paperwork it takes to say no. Twenty million dollars. A ring that isn't mine. One rule: don't feel anything real. We were supposed to be better liars than this. Because somewhere between the cameras and the countdown and the ex-fiancé who thinks I'm still his to reclaim, Ace Stone stopped performing. He pulled me off a dark street with his hands shaking harder than mine. He told a nurse I was family. He didn't sound like he was lying. My sister isn't finished with me. She never is. But I've spent my whole life being the "before" to someone else's "after" — too much space, not enough silence, never quite what anyone ordered. I'm done being edited down to fit. He married a scandal. He has no idea what she's about to become.