Things I Wanted To Say But Never Did Novels & Stories

Then: “She said if I ever make you cry in a way that isn’t worth crying about she will make my life extremely difficult in ways that are entirely legal and considerably worse than illegal ones would be.” “That sounds right.” “She also said —” He paused. Something shifting in his voice. “She said you used to make lists as a teenager of everything you wanted your life to look like. That you were very specific. That you crossed nearly everything off by twenty eight.” He glanced at me. “And that the one thing you never put on any list was the thing most obvious to everyone watching.” Something moved in my chest. Slow and complicated. “What thing?” I asked. Though I already knew.

“I never got to be with you. I never got the chance to… do anything with you.” My vision blurred. “I never got to hug you. Or talk to you. Or have you tell me what to do. Or what not to do.” A small, broken breath slipped out. “I never got any of it.” I shook my head slightly, trying to steady myself. But it wasn’t working. “And I…” My voice caught. The words stopped. I couldn’t say it. Not here. Not like this. So I just closed my eyes for a second. Tried to breathe.

I didn't know how to answer that. I told him we'd lost touch. He nodded like he understood, which was generous of him, because I'm not sure I understand it myself. I've been thinking about the things I never said. There were so many. I was so convinced I had time, that you would always be there to say them to, that urgency was something other people felt. Foolish. Profoundly, typically foolish. Do we always assume we have time? Or is that particular blindness reserved for people like me, the ones who only see clearly once the thing they loved has already gone?

I wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out. Finally, I forced myself to speak. “Have you ever thought of us as more than friends?”

I took a deep breath, as I was about to say it now. "Okay, so, the hard part was accepting that I'll never be the one," I said quietly but very clear that I'll definitely not have to repeat it because of not being audible enough. "That you'll never actually fuck me." He whole body went completely still and we both found it very difficult to breathe at that exact moment. "Scarlett..." "I always wanted to be everything to you. Every single time. I always wanted to not just be the person that touch you, build you up and make you cum. But someone you actually want completely."

I let the kiss do the talking for me, trying to convey how desperately bad I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I--- “It’s not that,” I panted, when I had to come up for air. “I-I’m---” I struggled finding the right words, words that I wanted to say but refused to leave my lips. “Not good at saying those words. And I’ve never--- said that. Ever! To anyone!”

"You were everything I had." "I wanted to tell you everything." "To share all my happiness..." "And all my sadness..." I took a shaky breath. "I wanted to give you everything I never had." "All the love..." "All the care..." "All the happiness..." "I desperately wanted to hear you call me 'Mama.'" "But..." My voice broke completely. "I won't even know what your little voice sounds like." "How unlucky am I?" I pressed my lips gently against his forehead. "I can't even breathe when I think about living without you."

I answered taking her by the arm before she opened "Just tell me why you need to go to that party baby, I don't want to fight and much less because of that guy.” “It's just...” She buried her face in my neck before speaking “It's that we never did that Mark, we always said we would never go to that kind of thing, but... What if we regret it? What if when we are thirty years old and look back, we regret the things we didn't do because we thought we didn't like them?” She raised her face to meet my eyes "Maybe... We should try before we say no, I don't want to see the past and feel like I didn't live. Look at my mom, she died in the most unexpected way, I don't want that, my love, I don't wan

“Yes it is ridiculous. But I did not think that. Because I was once a seven year old boy who loved the smell of food, the different possible options of it that could be made from so many things to explore. Then I was twelve and still dreaming about it. Then I was fifteen. Then eighteen. And with each year that passed I came to realize that I did not get to be what I wanted because it had already been decided for me from the moment I was born and no one asked me what I wanted to be or if I wanted it at all.” His voice was steady but there was something underneath it that sounded like grief. “I just had to own it. And do you think there were not times throughout my life when I wanted to punch

She regretted that and begged me never to do the same thing. If you love someone, tell them. If you have things to share, say them. Don’t live with regrets. Don’t make my mistakes. I loved you so much and never told you enough. Never showed you enough. That was how I was raised, and I should have done it differently.