Unhappiness Mga Nobela at Kwento

Para akong sinaksak ng malaking kutsilyo sa aking dibdib nang marinig iyon sa kaniya. Napagtanto kong. Mahirap pala talaga. It's really hard to be happy. I've realized that happiness is weird. Like, conceptually. That it's something we expect from people—that is, we expect people to be happy. And that when people are unhappy, we assume they're doing something wrong. Over the past two years or so, I've experienced some extended bouts of severe unhappiness. Through those depressive periods, in the moments I've seen clearly, I've tried to tweak the tweakable materials of my depression.

Must be! He deeply hates nosy people with a burning passion as much as he hates anything that is related to wedding. Yeah, he was being unreasonable, some people say. That fúcking failed marriage proposal not only caused him to lost his sexual appetite, but also an irrational and unbridled antipathy for wedding.

Kumpleto ako ng vitamins, ni hindi ako nagpapaliban ng check ups ko kahit mag-isa lang ako. Gusto ko na lang mawala. It was too difficult to live that even breathing felt so exhausting. I went home still tired. How come one day everything you wished to happen were suddenly gone in an instant? He was supposed to live. He was supposed to celebrate birthdays and have a girlfriend, or wife and a child or children, and live happily without regrets. Why did this happen? Why is everything so unfair?! How come people say that the world is still beautiful to live in when it's so already fucked up as this?

Madilim sa parting iyon kaya hindi ko makita ang kabuuan niya ngunit ramdam kong nakatitig siya sa akin. Naiirita kong pinasadahan ng palad ko ang buhok ko at bumulong ng mga mura. The frustration am feeling is getting worse. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gustong sumabog ng puso ko dahil sa labis na galit sa mundong mayroon kami ngayon. Why does it have to be like this? Why does everything have to be such a mess? Is this the trade for constantly asking for happiness? Before you can be happy, how many times will you be destroyed before you experience that? Fuck life! Parang ang unfair naman na yata.

Sinubukan kong ngumiti at tumawa pero thank god nagawa ko kasama ang anak ko kahit na pakiramdam ko merong kulang sa akin, kahit na pakiramdam ko meron pa akong hinahanap. Sa totoo lang, ang hirap maging masaya. It's hard to ba happy. It's hard to smile, it's hart to laugh pero sinubukan kong gawin. Pinilit ko sa sarili ko dahil kahit anong gawin ko alam ko dadalhin ko ang sakit at masamang nakaraan ko. Alam ko parte na ng buhay ko ang mapait kong nakaraan sa pilipinas. Dahil alam ko sa sarili ko habang buhay itong nakatatak sa akin.

Dahil sa sobrang nakaka relate sa eksena, naging makatotohanan ang pag arte ni Kendall kaya kahit hindi naman required, umiyak ito ng todo. "Bakit niyo po ba ako pinapahirapan ng ganito, pa? Halos buong buhay ko wala na akong ibang ginawa kung hindi pagsilbihan kayo! Hindi po ba puwedeng maging masaya naman ako para sa sarili ko? Pagod na pagod na po ako, ang hirap na pasan ko kayong lahat sa balikat ko! May pangarap din po akong mag pamilya at hindi naman po siguro masama kung tuparin ko ang pangarap ko para sa sarili ko!"

Tch! "Here's your drink. Enjoy!" I sipped the juice and carefully watched the people dancing on dance floor. Muka naman silang masaya, may problema din kaya sila? Lahat ng tao talagang dumadaan sa problema pero bakit pakiramdam ko ako na ang may pinaka pasan ng malaking problema sa mundo. Hay Stella, bakit ba naman pati sila iisipin mo. Just curious, masama ba yon?

Sobrang bigat ng dibdib ko at hindi makakain ng maayos kahit masarap naman ang nakahain sa lamesa. I wonder when this things will stop. Sanay na akong ganito palagi ang eksena tuwing may okasyon pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang malungkot para sa sarili ko. I couldn't enjoy the things that should make me happy. Birthday, Christmas and New Year. They're the occasions that most people are waiting to celebrate. What about me and my brother? Wala. As much as I want to be happy even just for those days, I couldn't. Paano pa ako magiging masaya sa sitwasyon namin? We have a bunch of problems and the barrier between us is getting thicker and thicker.

Hindi n'ya alam kung paano lulusutan ang mga problema na nararanasan n'ya ngayon. Hindi n'ya alam kung paano at kung saan magsisimula. Masakit pa ang puso n'ya dahil sa biglang paglaho ni Nicollai. "Why is it so hard to be happy? " mahinang tanong n'ya sa kawalan. Gusto n'ya lang naman maranasan ang maging masaya, pero bakit palaging may kakambal na sakit ang sandaling kasiyahan na nararanasan.

It's been bleeding for eight fucking years which felt like forever. There's no rest. There's not even a single moment in my life where I felt happiness because I stopped feeling joy. I became numb. I forgot how to function anymore. They sucked me dry. They got me crazy until I decided that being crazy is all I needed to be to extract my revenge.