You Re So Dumb Jokes

"Good afternoon sir. Deposit po ulit?" saka ako ngumiti ng pilit. ''Yes please. Sabi ko naman sa'yo araw-araw akong babalik e. Ibigay mo na kasi number mo." "Hay naku sir, ako ang magbibigay sa'yo .." "Claire ano ba, wag ka nga.." putol ko sa sasabihin pa nya. "O sige. Let's date then." A happy-go-lucky Australian-Filipino man change his ways for a naive and strong-willed woman, how they fell in love despite their differences and how beautiful their relationship has become after so many struggles they've met along the way. The sweetness and bitterness of their love journey and how they conquer to stand with each other from kilig moments to a whirlwind romance... Get hooked with Andy and Ash and be inspired with their love escapades.

Tara isn't your everyday beauty shit she wasn't a size 0 runway model, she was curvey thick and flawless nonetheless. It took her years to see that in herself after going through the ups and downs of being tossed through the foster system she had all but lost her faith in herself. This is why she chooses to become an advocate for foster kids like her. When she first launched her UFCP program she had only one private supporter. Now here she was at a huge charity banquet representing her program publicly and the program would now be recognized nationally. It was like a dream come true especially when she runs into the investor who happens to be an old friend from the foster system who was in the same house as her. Giovanni Berlusconi, he had glowed up since she last saw him all those years ago and he apparently felt the same about her. The only problem was he was a mafia king pin and Tara might have known much about the mob, but she sure as hell knew she wanted no parts of it. Especially after two of her colleagues end up dead in a mysterious car crash after questioning Gio's family connections to the recent spike in missing persons cases in the city. Tara had tried to blow him off politely but Gio wasn't having it. Stopping by her office unannounced. Tara was desperate to avoid the mob boss at all cost that is until she accidentally stumbles on to a private family meeting and witnesses him killing someone. Now she has only two choices marry the very man she fears or die.

The youngest billionaire in town with looks of Adonis and everything at his feet desired just one thing more in life. His perfect match. He wished for a wife whose beauty would turn heads, a smile which would lighten up his world and figure which would curve perfectly under his fingers. A beauty who spoke with etiquette and made him proud. But he got her A mediocre girl with average looks, fierce personality and no curves. Outspoken and downright rude. She was everything he didn't want his wife to be like. But who could defy when their souls were bound by threads of fate. She was insecure And he fueled it further She considered herself inferior to him And he used every chance to make it a belief. She had a beautiful delicate golden heart And he made sure to taint it black and crush it under his Gucci shoes. She was his not so beautiful wife And he made sure that nothing left of her could be ever considered beautiful. "I will taint every damn fibre of your body my dear Elle...every bit of it till you beg me to divorce you" -Ashton "I will love every flaw of you my dear husband ...each and everyone till this heart beats for you" -Elle BEAUTY SERIES: Book 1 His not so beautiful wife Book 2 His Scarred Beauty

Valentine's Day. I was stuck on ER duty at Brighton City Hospital. Theodore Madoff, who was supposed to be working late, strolled in carrying his student—Cecilia Kuntzer. She had red marks everywhere and that smug little smirk. "Relax, Mrs. Madoff. Just stomach pain. Lucky me, Prof. Madoff rushed me here." Theo pushed me to treat her. Turns out? She was pregnant. From rough intercourse. And the dad? Theo. My husband. The same guy who'd sworn off kids with me for ten years. Felt like a punch to the gut. But I still saved her baby. Next day, she uploaded a video—ID in hand, cheesy PowerPoint, accusing me of malpractice. Claimed I killed her kid. Then Theo asked for a divorce. Priscilla—his mom—stormed the hospital, shrieking about her dead grandbaby. She brought a mob. All these "righteous" strangers who stabbed me to death. Right there in the ER. I died with my eyes wide open. Then—bam—I woke up. Valentine's Day. Again.

"She is a fool. It was as easy as fucking." Lucien smirked and my heart started to pound heavily against my chest, especially when he began advancing towards me with murderous intent. What was going on? What did they mean by their words? "L-Lucien, why is she h-here?" I choked as he reached forward to grab me by the neck. Malia laughed as I struggled to breathe, my airways being blocked as Lucien tightened his grip on my neck. He raised me up over the cliff and I was dangling in the air, a feeling of dread going through me as I could see my death. I kicked and clawed at his hand, trying to get him to let me go when he flung me against the nearest tree hard. I coughed blood as I crashed into the tree heavily, my body hurting as I collapsed to the floor. I tried to talk but my mouth felt too heavy, my eyes widening in disbelief as I watched Lucien bring out a sharp knife. He opened my mouth and brought out my tongue while Malia kept laughing, pointing at me with a smug look on her face. I was still confused. What was going on? Was Lucien being controlled? "I reject you, Nadia, as my mate and future Luna," He growled as he sliced my tongue off.

Fear  Noun 1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Until that night, Kinsley never knew true fear, never felt terror. She could taste the fear on her tongue, salty with a hint of copper, her throat felt constricted. She wanted to scream but the terror was too thick in her throat, coating it to the point of near suffocation. She was prey and he was the hunter who never failed. Verendus was powerful, a ruthless and cruel Boss, he did not fail and he did not quit. Kinsley Anderson was a woman he coveted, and he would stop at nothing to claim her. He had the means and the manpower to pursue her to the ends of the earth and he would do it, claiming her once and for all.

“Any conversation we're going to be having is going to be in the four corners of my wall and after that, I'd love and appreciate it if you forgot my name, home address and social security number— if you have that, of course.” “Cute,” he laughs and then winces when I open the drink can with a pop. I raise a brow at him, urging him to continue and then take a sip of my drink as I wait patiently. “ Contrary to what you may think, I'm not here to hurt you or whatever it is you're thinking —” “No shit.” “I'm here to offer you a deal. One I know you wouldn't be able to refuse.” “Sure, Professor Xavier.” This is getting fun and it's the most fun I've had in a few days. “Marry me.” ********** I had a one night stand with a handsome, enigmatic stranger. It was drunk decision; one I promised myself never to indulge in. Putting aside my regret, I continue with life and the trials it keeps throwing my way. As a girl used to surprises, what I don't expect is seeing this stranger from months ago at my doorstep and offering me a deal I can't seem to refuse: a marriage contract in exchange for my biggest wishes to be fulfilled.

Daria is a nun who has never followed her heart or stepped out of the lines. Bedtime is strict, alcohol is forbidden, relationships are out of the question, and Daria has devoted herself entirely to her faith and the church—until she is diagnosed with cancer. Without money for chemotherapy, Daria decides to live life to the fullest, starting with kissing a stranger and breaking the rules of chastity. But wait, why does the man whose lips she has tasted look so familiar?!

I've been married to Derek Gunther for many years. Every anniversary, he tells me the airline scheduled him for a flight, then sends an expensive pair of earrings to smooth things over. But on our ninth anniversary, I accidentally overhear him joking with his friends. "Derek, you spend every anniversary with Ivy—and Sienna still hasn't caught on?" "No wonder she can't get pregnant. After all, you give all to Ivy." Derek exhales a stream of smoke and says, "Ivy gave up everything to be with me. I owe her a real home. As for Sienna, I stopped loving her after she miscarried. When the time's right, I'll file for divorce. It's unfair, sure—but I'll make it up to her with money." What Derek doesn't know is that he won't get that chance. It's on our anniversary that I'm diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer. Since he stopped loving me long ago, I'm ready to walk away on my own terms. Derek, from now on, we're done.

He throws the paper on her face, she takes a step back because of sudden action, "Wh-what i-is this?" She managed to question, "Divorce paper" He snaps, "Sign it and move out from my life, I don't want to see your face ever again, I will hand over you to your greedy mother and set myself free," He stated while grinding his teeth and clenching his jaw, She felt like someone threw cold water on her, she felt terrible, as a ground slip from under her feet, "N-No..N-N-NOOOOO, NEVER, I will never go back to her or never gonna sing those paper" she yells on the top of her lungs, still shaking terribly,