「この誓いは、秘密のままで」と告げた騎士様が、なぜか私を離してくれません

My life up until now has not been the easiest. I lost both my parents during the wolf war when I was only a few years old. My Grandmother took me in and raised until I was five and then unfortunately I lost her too. Up until then my life was great. My Grandma used to say I looked just like my Mum at her age. I probably don't look like her now. I had long black hair that I always keep tied back in a plait. I have bright blue eyes.

Then I was forced to live with the orphan wolves. Where we learnt we had to serve. Between cooking for the wolfs in the pack house or cleaning it. We had to do whatever they told us to if we didn't or we argued against it we would be punished for our actions. 

At first when the punishments were dealt out we would fear them, the beatings or the starvation would take its toll on our small fragile bodies. Eventually our bodies got used to the lack of nutrition and the beating didn't hurt as much as they once did. Our scars probably acted as a padding.

We grew up mainly by ourselves not wanting to make any friends as it was self preservation. We needed to look after ourselves and try survive without helping everyone else as that could also get you punished. 

I couldn't help myself though when the younger ones came in and didn't know how it worked, I couldn't see them suffer the same way we did so I would do everything I could to help them. Getting caught helping others earnt you a night or two in a very small room with just a blanket. No food or water and just a bucket in the corner for you to use as the toilet but no paper. 

There was one new girl that came in one night. She looked like she was about ten years old. She has long dark hair attached to her head that her small frame looked like it could hardly hold it up. Her eyes held sorrow and she would hardly speak. I knew she would struggle here and I knew I couldn't let that happen as much as I could.

That night I made my way over to her. 

"Do you mind if I talk with you for a minute?" She shook her head so I knew I was ok to speak. 

"I just want to give you a few tips on the best way to make it through this situation." She looks up at me with fear in her eyes. 

"Just follow one rule. Do as they say if you do what they want then they have no reason to punish you. Keep to yourself as much as possible." 

She nods in understanding. 

"I will do all I can to help you ok." she nods again. 

I start to walk away from her when I head a little squeaky voice and I turn to her.

"What is your name?" She asks

"My name is Lexi and yours?"

"Julie."

I turn back around and walk over  to my 'bed' when I say bed I mean a very thin matted peace of foam with a very tattered blanket on top that used to be white and now was a grey colour. It is a good job I'm a wolf and rarely cold or I would have frozen to death in the winter times with how thin it was.  

I lay down and try speak to my wolf. She doesn't speak to me much I don't know if she can and chooses not to or if she isn't capable of speaking all the time. I have turned into my wolf form only a handful of times which means my wolf isn't strong.

She has never told me her name before so I chose to call her Amanda. I just ramble to her but she doesn't reply.  

I have just turned eighteen. I know I will never find my mate as I'm never allowed to leave the pack house let alone the pack land and even when we have guests here we are to disappear and not to be seen or heard we are in the back cooking the food and pouring the drinks and then the more acceptable members of the pack then serve it getting all the credit for our hard work but after thirteen years of this shit now I am used to it.

 I am woken up by the same woman every morning. She is a plump woman who has short grey hair. must be at least fifty by now. Her name is Nora. She comes in every morning to wake us up at five so that we had time to get all the breakfast cooked for whoever stayed in the pack house last night. 

"WAKE UP! We don't have all morning, get your butts up now and go get that breakfast made. If I don't see you down stairs in five minutes you won't be getting any breakfast."

We all scramble to our feet and rush to the bathroom having to go to the toilet now as there wouldn't be chance again until after breakfast is cooked and cleaned up. 

We make it downstairs and we then head into the kitchen and make the food and pour the drinks. 

This is when the Alpha walks in. Now most Alpha's are nice and take care of their pack but not this one he is called Alpha Derek but I like to call him Alpha Dick in my head. He is mean and will make jobs harder on purpose. He will see you mopping the floor so he will pour something on the floor. If your washing up he will put something on all the dishes you have already cleaned so you would have to re do them. He would then get us punsihed for not doing it fast enough. I have many scar that are caused because of him. We all hated him. He was good looking enough that alot of the women in the pack would swoon over him. He was over six foot tall, had sandy blond hair and blue eyes. His body was muscular. 

"How long until breakfast is made?" He asks

Nora replies with "It is ready now it is just getting plated up."  

He then walks up to where Joseph one of the other boys from the orphanage is plating the food up takes something of the plate and eats it. Derek decides he doesn't like it and throws the whole plate across the room splattering all the food against the wall and the shattered plate litters the floor. 

"Clean that up now and get some decent food out there now." 

"You heard the Alpha get to it." Nora states. 

This is why I hate it so much here and I am trying to figure how to get away from here as soon as I can.