I Didn't Mean It Mga Nobela at Kwento

Nakita kong nag-iba ang mukha niya at hindi ko na mabasa. Ngayon lang sumagi sa isipan ko ang sinabi ko sa kanya at parang natauhan ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit iyon ang lumabas sa bibig ko. Pagkakita ko sa itsura niya ay para akong na-guilty bigla. Parang gusto kong bawiin ang mga sinabi ko. I didn't mean it like that. "What I mean is—"

Na-trap sila sa sitwasyong hindi nila lubos na inaasahan ngunit isa man sa kanila ay walang gustong lumayo, walang gustong maligtas. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Bumara ang hininga ni Anne sa kanyang lalamunan nang mapagtantong naiangat na ni Matthieus ang kanyang mukha. Her face was damped with her tears but she could clearly see the pulsing, dark desire dancing in his toasty topaz eyes. She was burning. He was, too.

Nasa ganoon akong pag iisip ng biglang tumikhim ito kaya nabaling ang tingin ko dito. "Don't pressure yourself, I will explain soon..." ika nito na lalong kinakunot ng noo ko. "What do you mean by that? Wala akong maalala as in baka naman pinagsamantalahan mo ako knowing you," masungit kong pahayag dito.

Literal na kabaliwan na 'yung kaniya. Nakita ko siyang nangiti-ngiti at kinagat-kagat pa 'yung likuran ng kaliwang palad niya habang nagmamaneho naman 'yun kanan. Tingnan niyo nga, pinagtatawanan ako. "It was not what I meant, I think you misunderstood me." "Ha?" Ano naman ang na misunderstood ko? "Forget it, don't make me laugh again." Wika niya na ikina-gulo ng braincells ko.

walang reaksiyon na aniya. Mata ko naman ang nanlaki. “No! That's not what I meant, I did not meant to offend you,” I defend myself. “It's just that, you are the only one I can trust with this.” “Hindi mo ako kaibigan,” she mumbles. Pinigilan kong sabihin na “I don't want to be friends with you either.” o ‘di kaya ay, “I want to be more than friends with you, just not now, not yet.”

Napapunok ako ng dahan-dahan saka nanuyo ang lalamunan ko. Hindi ako nakasagot. Ang daling sabihin na 'oo' pero hindi ko nasabi. Hindi ko nasabi ang katagang iyon dahil ayaw ko. Ayaw ko. Nakakabaliw pero hindi ko gustong isipin na iwanan ni Carl. Nasasaktan ako sa ideyang iyon. Nasasaktan ako at hindi ko alam kung bakit. Yumuko ako. "I see," he said and I don't know what he meant by that.

I know I'm not like this before. Napabuntong hininga naman ako at nakayukong humingi ng pasensya. "I'm sorry for being mean, I'm just having a hard time to trust people around me. I didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry." Pahina nang pahina ang boses ko habang humihingi ng sorry. "Ohh lagot ka Tashi iiyak na siya oh." Pang-aasar ni Kio kay Tashina.

"What does my mom mean about this?" Tinanong pa ako! Mabuting nalang walang ka ide-ideya ang isang 'to. Umiling nalang ako. "Wala, wag mong intindihin 'yan." Lumpit ako sa kaniya at tinitigan siya ng mariin. "Delete that photo." He stared into my eyes as if he was looking for the meaning of it. "Ah," sabi niya saka humakbang ng dalawang beses papalapit saakin, kaya napaatras ako. "I get it."

Not to him, and not to myself. "Don't flatter yourself," I shot back, my voice firm and unyielding. "I don't care what you think. I said what I said. Wala na akong pakialam kung hindi ka maniniwala." The words escaped my lips more harshly than I intended, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to back down. "I need to get back to work. Bye!" I turned on my heel, not waiting for him to respond, and stormed out of his office.

“What do you mean?” “What I’m trying to say is…” sabi niya na parang hindi rin siya sigurado sa kaniyang pinagsasabi. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we could at least be friends. Hindi naman agaran matatapos ‘yung bago kong hotel. It’ll be years. The least we can do is be cordial with one another.” Tumango ako sa kaniya. “Wala namang problema ‘yun. ‘Yun lang ba gusto mong sabihin?”