I Feel That My Father Seldom Novels & Stories

paliwanag ko, hoping that he could understand me. "Canada, the world is getting poorer and poorer. I don't want you to—" "It's okay, dad. You don't need to explain," I stopped him. I felt my tears forming at the corner of my eyes. I feel unloved and unimportant. Dad sighed in relief. Alam kong napapagod na siyang mag-explain. Napapagod na rin akong making sa napakarami nilang alibi. "I have to go now, Canada. Bye. Take good care of yourself," paalam ni Daddy. Hindi na ako umimik pa kaya pinatay na niya ang tawag.

I really want her right now. “Because of you,” sagot ni Dad na nag-iisa sa pinakaharapan. Hindi pa sila yata okay ni Mom. Ilang araw ring hindi pinapansin ni Dad si Mom. I feel sorry for my mother but I understand my father for being silent, concern lang naman siya sa relasyon namin ni Faye. “Hon, I don’t want to fight again with you.”

Ako dahil galit sa kanya sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, at siya na gustong buhayin si Autumn sa pamamagitan ng katauhan ko. I felt betrayed. But I am not in the position to barge in. My father kept on calling me and asked anything. Kesyo, okay lang daw ba ako mga ganyan-ganyan bagay na nginitian ko nalang. I don't want my father be worried. For almost years not being together, siguro pagkakataon na rin para hindi laging pag-aalala ang ibibigay ko sa kanya.

Parang hindi niya matatanggap na hindi siya papansinin ng anak niya. Now he finds it so hurtful while he never minded taking his father for granted. And he can even remember his father’s words when he keeps on turning down all his old man’s invitations for the two of them to have a nice vacation. He always tells his Dad that he’s busy while the truth is he’s only evading some memorable times with his father.

“Kung makaramdam ka ng hindi komportable at gustong lumabas, kailangan mo lang hilingin sa akin na huminto, nauunawaan mo?” “Yes, daddy!” Sagot ko, nasasabik tungkol dito sa ilang dahilan. Marahil dahil namimiss ko ang makantot nang napakatigas. Namimiss ko ang halo ng humahapding sakit at matinding sarap nang sabay.

Hindi na kami magkasundong dalawa. “Romance him . . .” And my father’s voice still lingers in my mind. How can I do that if he’s this cold to me right now? How can I romance him if he despise me so much? “How fucked up my life is, really.” Iling ko sabay sandal sa backrest ng aking swivel chair.

Nahina akong natawa sa ginawa ng mommy ko. “Mom, I'm alright.” “No, you’re not,” biglang sagot ng papa ko na natayo na ngayon at lumipat ng upo sa couch. “Dad,” wala akong ibang masabi. I always feel intimidated by my father. Simula pagkabata ay pilit ko kinukuha ang atensyon niyang palaging nasa kapatid ko. He was never fond of me, and when my sister died he was really devastated.

“He's my best friend.” “Really?” I felt excited at the mention of my father's name. “Can you tell me about my father?” “He's a good man. I saw how he pursued your mother so hard that it almost kill him before.” He sighed as he looked above. “He's a very patient kind of man. He always helps people without anything in return. He was one of the best man I met.” He smiled after that and he glanced at me. “I see...” I sad smile crept on my lips. I can't help but to reminisce some memories with my dad. I miss him already.

Our topic made me bothered. Dapat ay masanay na ako na ganito. Papa has always been like this. Pero kahit na paulit-ulit niyang pinapamukha sa akin na wala akong silbi sa kaniya, hindi ko pa rin mapigilang masaktan. Of course, he is my father. And yet, I couldn’t feel his fatherly love for me. “Ano nang mangyayari sa iyo ngayon?” wala sa sarili kong tanong.

my father smiled when he saw me. Kahit hindi maganda ang pakikitungo sa akin ng mommy at halata na mas gusto niya si Caitlin, at least dad always make me feel love. Siya rin palagi ang humihingi ng paumanhin para sa mom sa tuwing nababaliwala ako nito at nagagalit sa akin sa mga simpleng bagay lang. "Are you really okay now, dad? Baka hindi pa naman dapat na lumabas ka ng ospital," sabi ko at hinalikan siya sa pisngi.