Kalau Ku Seorang Diri Novels & Stories

It didn't come from being someone's husband, someone's father, or someone's second half. It had to come from me. I was simply myself. A man who had once been broken, but who had put himself back together with his own hands. When I returned to the table, the architect glanced up, and a faint smile touched her lips. "You look happy." "I am." I smiled. "I finally figured something out." "What was it?" "Some roads are meant to be walked alone," I said. "But walking alone doesn't mean being lonely. Once you're no longer afraid of standing on your own, the world stops feeling like it's in your way."

Just the water, the sky, and nothing else. I realized now, the downside of being a lone wolf was that no one would know if you were missing. I went out alone this morning, no one knew where I went. No one could possibly know where I was right now. And I bet no one would know if had I died either. Well, that sucked balls. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Traveling alone might sound scary and somewhat dangerous, but I can take care of myself. For once, I just want to be free. To connect with nature, and maybe, just maybe, find a mature man who knows exactly how to bring me pleasure.

Never again. Never again I will let anyone get close to me unless I want to. No more, let’s try and see if it works shit! Probably I am supposed to be alone. I think to myself with a strange sense of angst. Little did I know someone was there for me too.

I just keep getting stronger and stronger every day. Everyone hates to be alone , and I get that – but when you are alone you tend to talk to yourself , you tend to give your advice. By talking to yourself , you start building your personality – you begin to stand firm on what you believe and who you are. For the first time in a while , I can openly say that I am alone and I am loving it.

My mother's remarks were like a broken record that was playing in my mind multiple times. "You love yourself, Astra." I said to myself, giving comfort because of this fck situation of mine. I walked from nowhere. It was like I was none of myself. Later on, I saw an available bench. It's also lonely. Hence, I went there and gave my baby bench a companion. Heck. I am very close to craziness. "I'll live on my own already.." I just realised how difficult it is to live by yourself. No other companion and no one is willing to help you.

Mapait na lamang akong napangiti dahil doon. Dahil alam kong katulad din ni tatay noon ay iniwan na rin ako ni nanay. Kung noon ay ramdam ko ang pag-iisa hindi dahil sa kakulangan ng presensiya ni nanay, ay iba na ngayon. Dahil ngayon ko lubusang nararamdaman na walang-wala na ako. I know that this day will be the start of my journey in this world, alone. There's no one that I can lean on to. No person that I'll be able to hold on whenever I'm in pain. There's no one. No one but myself. Alone.

As I'm staring at the wall I hear the door open. I can't bring myself to see who walked in. Being alone is my new life now. I don't want my hopes up when someone comes to drag me out of the room, only to be left alone in the end. The door closes with a loud click and feet make their way towards me. I close my eyes in an attempt to stop the temptation of looking to see who's here. Please just leave me alone.

I had learned not to let anyone breach those defenses. This generosity has gotten me nowhere, and everyone ends up using me for their own purposes. Nobody will play with your feelings if you are heartless. I am a loner who does not require the company of others. I had walked through every stage of my life alone since there was no one to advise me on living it and making the most of it. Even if I haven't figured out how to make the most of my life, I can still live on my own. "You don't need anyone, Astrid. Even when you're at your lowest, you don't need anyone to recall how you made yourself proud many times. You graduated on your own even if nobody was to cheer you up," I told myself.

I do not know who I will become. I do not know what waits for me. I do not know how much fear is still inside me. But I know this one thing now. I am not alone. And for the first time in my life, this is not a promise. It is a feeling.