Your Momma So Fat Jokes Novels & Stories

I counted the numbers in my head silently to give my mother a time to retract her words but when she didn't, I knew then that she's telling the truth. Actually I know that my mother never jokes. She said she hated wasting people's time by making them laugh. She's not your typical human being because she is Divina Buenaventura, the greatest businesswoman I know. "You're kidding," was all I could say. "You're just bluffing, mom. Ha! Ha! Ha! Now you made me laugh. Now tell me it's only a joke." But she never took back her words. She kept sitting on her chair like a queen on her throne looking at me, her mere subject.

I explained in a small voice. "Miscounted?" Mom spat, interrupting me. "You're the only one who didn't get anything. She was probably annoyed that you were trying to get one. Why must you be so greedy? You're so embarrassing! Will you only be satisfied when everyone ridicules me for raising such a greedy daughter?" A wave of stress crashed into me. I dug my nails into my arms and scratched myself until my skin turned raw and bloody. However, I didn't feel even an ounce of comfort.

I said hugging her tightly. They started making plans how to torture my husband and I think I am going to enjoy this. "Oh common guys I am hungry," I said smiling. "You won't eat this time right," Mumma asked suspiciously making me blush. "Don't tell me I am going to be Grandma," My mother-in-law joked looking at me and I nodded my head making them squeal in surprise. Both mothers started jumping like school girls making me irritate. Why I have to be in this alien family?

“Ice cream it is. But real scoops. Not that sad frozen yogurt stuff.” “Deal. After what we just survived, we deserve full-fat sugar.” “Baby boot camp,” she muttered. “My bank account is going to need therapy.” “My back already does.” She raised a brow. “Come on, Mom, you’re rich rich,” I said with a small grin. “And so are you, CEO Charez,” she shot back with a look that said she wasn’t letting me off the hook.

A soft knock on my door made me jump. “Bev? You okay up there?” Mom’s voice, warm and concerned. “Yeah!” I called back, forcing brightness into my tone. “Just… tired. Long day.” “Okay, honey. Dinner in thirty if you’re hungry. Marcus is ordering pizza.” “Sounds good,” I managed.

mum tells her and her frown gets wider than before Gee thanks mum, now maybe I might get a prayer or two. I don't know why I'm just so out of it today. " Oh that must hurt a lot. doesn't it ? " she asks Are you dumb, can a bruise or a bump this big be so comforting or comfortable. of course it hurts " No it doesn't. in fact I feel so good " I say sarcastically and the woman shows anger. " Kids " mum says trying to joke to get her friend to forget what I had said but not that I care.

, She asked looking confused with my sudden outburst of laughter. I had to bite my lips to stop myself from laughing, "Sorry mom, but I find your excuse weird and funny. Why do you need to detox?"I asked because I see no reason for her to go on a weight loss journey. "Can't you see how bloated I am?", she asked. "Most of my clothes are getting too tight for me". I took a good look at her from up to down trying to see if there were any changes in her, but to be honest I see no difference in her, she's still the same.

He's leaning as close as he can with a big psychopathic smile on his face, "You really trying to seduce the boss after all? Kiss the fatty?“ And this guy is my least favorite person. "You really wanna talk about fatties, Ty? Your mom is so fucking fat, she didn't even know you were in her tummy until she pooped you the fuck out," I blurt out, knowing I cannot act like this in here... and also knowing my boss just paid me sixty grand for a date. I could lose this job and be okay for a while. Tyler's mouth falls open in shock, "Your mom is so fat, I had to fuck her bellybutton. Was the only hole I could reach."

Mum scolded immediately. “None of the guys at school like me. They avoid me.” I said with a sad sigh. “You know I’ve never been asked out a date and I’m in my junior year already. It’s because I’m a fat nerd who wears glasses .” “Don’t say that and please don’t think about those boys. Their immature and they don’t deserve you. And you’re not fat!” Mum said the last line with a laugh. “Really?” I asked her. “So why are my boobs so big?”

I say teasing. “Yes, you have to now,” Fatima laughs. “You can’t be serious. I am not paying for anyone’s meal,” Emma says laughing with us. “Yeah, we know, we are just joking.” I say smiling. “You better be.” “You guys won’t believe what happened to me yesterday.” Fatima says after our laughter dies down. “What happened?” I ask.