Your Momma So Fat Jokes Novels & Stories

I counted the numbers in my head silently to give my mother a time to retract her words but when she didn't, I knew then that she's telling the truth. Actually I know that my mother never jokes. She said she hated wasting people's time by making them laugh. She's not your typical human being because she is Divina Buenaventura, the greatest businesswoman I know. "You're kidding," was all I could say. "You're just bluffing, mom. Ha! Ha! Ha! Now you made me laugh. Now tell me it's only a joke." But she never took back her words. She kept sitting on her chair like a queen on her throne looking at me, her mere subject.

I explained in a small voice. "Miscounted?" Mom spat, interrupting me. "You're the only one who didn't get anything. She was probably annoyed that you were trying to get one. Why must you be so greedy? You're so embarrassing! Will you only be satisfied when everyone ridicules me for raising such a greedy daughter?" A wave of stress crashed into me. I dug my nails into my arms and scratched myself until my skin turned raw and bloody. However, I didn't feel even an ounce of comfort.

“You're plumper, and I think you look even more beautiful than you already are, but you know better than to eat a lot, what is necessary yes” “Do you think that mom is not aware of it? I'm just eating the usual, well, one or the other dessert, maybe that's why I've gained more weight. But I'm not fat mom” she added with wide eyes to which her mother smiled and caressed her cheek” “No. You are not fat, you are the most beautiful young woman on this earth, perfect. So forget what I told you, I just want her to be healthy” “Maybe I should exercise, but you know I'm lazy, that is, one day I plan what I'll do that the next day and then I get tired, Mom”

I said hugging her tightly. They started making plans how to torture my husband and I think I am going to enjoy this. "Oh common guys I am hungry," I said smiling. "You won't eat this time right," Mumma asked suspiciously making me blush. "Don't tell me I am going to be Grandma," My mother-in-law joked looking at me and I nodded my head making them squeal in surprise. Both mothers started jumping like school girls making me irritate. Why I have to be in this alien family?

mum tells her and her frown gets wider than before Gee thanks mum, now maybe I might get a prayer or two. I don't know why I'm just so out of it today. " Oh that must hurt a lot. doesn't it ? " she asks Are you dumb, can a bruise or a bump this big be so comforting or comfortable. of course it hurts " No it doesn't. in fact I feel so good " I say sarcastically and the woman shows anger. " Kids " mum says trying to joke to get her friend to forget what I had said but not that I care.

A soft knock on my door made me jump. “Bev? You okay up there?” Mom’s voice, warm and concerned. “Yeah!” I called back, forcing brightness into my tone. “Just… tired. Long day.” “Okay, honey. Dinner in thirty if you’re hungry. Marcus is ordering pizza.” “Sounds good,” I managed.

KEVAH'S POV JULY 9TH, 2016 Let me tell you something about myself; I am fat, there I said it. I am a 300lbs, dark skin beauty. You don't have to remind me; you don't have to gawk at my huge ass or frown at my Pudge. It's just not nice. I know I'm motherfucking big, and guess what? I don't motherfucking care what a motherfucker has to say about me.

Rissa's pov: As much as I hated mom's outfit today, I still loved how cheerful she was in making sure I enjoyed the day just like she promised. Okay, I should be happy for her. I mean, most women get extremely fat after giving birth but mom's lucky to still maintain the s3xy look. The attention she was getting from people were just giving me the creeps. So, Mykel got his own fortune cookie. I watched him unfold it and scanned through the note with his eyes.

mom said half jokingly and half seriously. "Don't worry mom I'll keep snow in check.And ooh I better go get ready he comes ."I said going upstairs when I heard mom say"it's a they not a he."I stopped in my tracks when I heard that."what the Fuck mom? how many men are you engaged to?"I blurted out as mom started laughing."these isn't funny mom."I said giving mom an am not joking look "oh dear,am only marrying one man and his is coming with his son.you're gonna a big brother baby."mom literally squiered.i just stared at her just dumbfounded at what she just said

He's leaning as close as he can with a big psychopathic smile on his face, "You really trying to seduce the boss after all? Kiss the fatty?“ And this guy is my least favorite person. "You really wanna talk about fatties, Ty? Your mom is so fucking fat, she didn't even know you were in her tummy until she pooped you the fuck out," I blurt out, knowing I cannot act like this in here... and also knowing my boss just paid me sixty grand for a date. I could lose this job and be okay for a while. Tyler's mouth falls open in shock, "Your mom is so fat, I had to fuck her bellybutton. Was the only hole I could reach."