Terpaksa Aku Menjadi Orang Ketiga

I was eighteen when my life suddenly changed. I was a normal high school girl; my grades weren’t bad, but my parents were never satisfied. They wanted me to become a doctor to honor our family's name, but I was not interested. It’s not my dream. My dream is to become a singer, to write my feelings and my thoughts through songs that a million of people would listen to, would sing and understand. But I always hid this passion because I was sure that I could never have the chance to do it. I was afraid to be kicked out after telling my parents what I really wanted.

It’s been since years since I moved to another country because of my father's work. I had a hard time learning the language and adapting in this new world. But I’d be lying if I said that I don't like this country, everything about it is beautiful, its food, its traditions, its weather, even the people here are so nice and warm. But during those six years I only had one friend, Damian, because even if I look like a cool girl, I'm shy. I can't always make the first step, especially when people are young like me, so I'm a loner. A loner that has too many things to say, but never could.

Damian was an exception because he was kind to talk to me during my first day of school. He knew some of the language I spoke, so we could chat sometimes. He also helped me a lot with my studies.

I discovered my singing's passion through our school's choral, it was the only thing I honestly enjoyed and prepared well for. One day, I asked my parents if I could join a music academy, and they refused. They said that I would only waste my time and that I better go study more.

My passion grew more and more when I came here; a country known for its music culture. I discovered a lot of talented artists; singers, rappers and dancers. What I liked the most were the groups, not only for their talent but also for their teamwork. I liked the fact that they helped and supported each other in every situation like a real family.

I wanted to be a part of a group.

When I came back from school and my parents were still working, I watched some music videos and dance practices from the most famous groups. Then I started by learning the lyrics and some dance steps, which I tried to imitate.

One day, my mother came back early from work and she found me dancing in the living room, I could see how angry she was. She stayed silent for a long moment then she said, "What in the world are you doing, Juliette?!" My heart jumped while I was trying to find an excuse.

"Mom, they say that dance helps fight stress." I couldn't look at her because it was obvious that I was lying. I can stand everything but my mother's nagging. It's worse than you think it is.

She threw her bag on the sofa, turned off the TV then looked at me like a tiger prepared to attack his prey. "I know what you're trying to do. I know that you want to be a singer, but I will never allow it. What will people say about us?!"

There are a lot of things I hate in this world, but what I hate the most are those six words: "What will people say about us?" I just can't understand why we should care about what others think about us. Isn't it our life? Are we not supposed to do everything we want because it's our story?

I couldn't hold back my deception, "Mom, please just tell me what will you gain from what people say about us."

"What do you mean what will I gain?! There is nothing more important than being respected by others. So don't do anything stupid, Juliette. I don't want to hear whisperings around me."

After I closed my bedroom's door, I took a book and started writing my thoughts. If my book could speak, he would be asking for help because I wrote a lot of things out of anger. I hate it when my mother cares a lot about people. She's living with their thoughts. She wants to be praised by everyone. She wants to be the best person in the world.