ضد رغبتهم …..اخترت نفسي

I once recalled a time when breakfast, lunch and Dinner, used to be my favorite time of the day. A time when we’d all gather around the lavish dancing table, chatting, laughing and discussing all about our day as we feasted on the delicious meal prepared by my mother.

But now, as I sat in the dining room of my family’s mansion, several varieties of food spread out before me, I couldn’t help but think of such times as distant memories.

Memories that I realized were slowly fading, being replaced with the harsher things of life, as I sat absentmindedly, playing with the food I had long lost my appetite for.

Across from me, Alecia was in her usual form—vivacious, vibrant, and utterly captivating. She was the kind of person who could command a room without saying a word, her presence was so out there and captivating that at most times, it was impossible to look away. I often wondered how it was possible that we shared the same face, the same features, yet were so fundamentally different.

Perhaps, I had the universe to blame for that, because, if I had been more like her, then maybe, just maybe my father wouldn’t-

“Valentina, are you even listening?” My father’s sharp tone cut through my thoughts, pulling me back to the present. I looked up to find his cold, steely eyes fixed on me, waiting for a response.

“Yes, Papa,” I replied quietly, though in truth, I had no idea what he had been saying. Although, It didn’t matter.

In our household, ever since a young age, my role had been mapped out for me. It was to listen, to nod, and to remain unobtrusive, much like a marionette. Alecia however, was the star, shinning bright and excelling at things she didn’t even put her mind to. She was the better twin, while I, was nothing more than a shadow—always present but never the focus.

“Good,” Father said, barely acknowledging my response before turning his attention back to Alecia. “As I was saying, I've made arrangements, Alecia, you’ll be meeting your future the day after tomorrow.”

Confusion washes over me in seconds and my eyes went wide.

'What the hell did I miss?’ I wondered, glancing between my father and Alecia, but she looked just as confused as me.

Eventually, a chuckle tore through her throat. “Nice Joke papa. Sadly, April fools was two months ago.”

Saying this, she was about to go back to eating, but the look on our father’s face told the both of us that the wasn’t joking.

“You’ll be meeting him the day after Tomorrow,” My father repeated, meeting Alecia’s eyes with a stern gaze. “Without fail.”

It took her a few seconds, but the moment it registered in Alecia’s mind that this was no joke, her brows furrowed. “What? Who?”

I was just as curious and glanced at my father. For a second, I could see hesitancy written on his face, but it was gone as soon as it appeared.

“Luca Caruso,” He answered, his tone brokering no argument.

For a moment, there was silence. Alecia blinked, as if the name hadn’t fully registered. Then, as understanding dawned, her eyes widened in shock and disbelief, mirroring that of the image on my face.

“Luca Caruso? The Mafia boss?” Alecia’s voice was a mix of incredulity and indignation. “You can’t be serious, Papa!”

“I am dead serious,” our father responded with a cool finality that sent a shiver down my spine.

Was he actually planning on marrying Alecia off to the most dangerous man in Italy? And why?

“Papa-“ I tried to speak up, but a glare from him, reminding me of my place, was all it took to silence what I had to say.

Turning his attention back to Alecia, he added. “This is not up for debate, Alecia. You will marry Luca Caruso, and that is the end of it.”

Alecia’s reaction was immediate and explosive. “Marry him? Are you insane? I’m not marrying some—some criminal thug!”

My father’s expression hardened, his eyes narrowing dangerously. “You will do as I say, Alecia. This marriage is necessary for the future of our family.”

“And what about my future?” Alecia shot back, her voice rising. “Do you even care about what I want?”

“What you want is irrelevant when our family’s best interest is endangered,” he snapped, his patience wearing thin.

I couldn’t help but feel a bit unnerved by the situation. Father never snapped at Alecia. She was his favorite daughter.

“This is about securing our business, our legacy. Luca Caruso has promised to help us extend the debts we owe and even grant us more to grow the company.”

Alecia’s hands clenched into fists, her knuckles white with anger. She was more focused on the subject of marriage, rather than that of the debt our father just mentioned.

“I won’t do it, Papa. I refuse.” She said.

“And what will you do instead?” he demanded, his voice laced with sarcasm. “Run off with that useless boy you’ve been seeing? You think he can offer you anything close to what Luca can?”

Alecia’s eyes flashed with defiance. “I’d rather be with someone I love than be sold off like some piece of property!”

My eyes widened at Alecia’s words. For the past year, we’ve all been aware of her relationship, but she had refused to introduce him to us, so we all thought he wasn’t important, but, to hear her say this…

This wasn’t the first time Alecia had rebelled against our father’s plans, but it was the first time I had seen her so determined, so resolute. There was a part of me that admired her for it, even though I knew it would only end in disaster if I ever followed in her footsteps.

My father’s face darkened, and for a moment, I feared he might strike her. But instead, he leaned back in his chair, his expression cold and calculating.

“If you think you can defy me, you are sorely mistaken,” he said in a low, dangerous voice. “This marriage will happen, Alecia. Whether you like it or not.”

Alecia’s gaze flicked to me, her eyes pleading. “Papa, please, there has to be another way. Maybe Valentina could—”

“No!” Our father’s voice cut through the air like a knife, silencing her instantly. He turned to me, his expression unreadable. “Valentina is not part of this discussion.”

His words stung, though I knew better than to let it show. It was no secret that Alecia was his favorite, the daughter he had always pinned his hopes on. I, on the other hand, was little more than an afterthought—a dutiful shadow, destined to live in her sister’s glow.

Something I had long grown used to. Or so I tell myself.

“Papa,” Alecia began again, her tone softer now, almost pleading. “Valentina is just as capable as I am. She could—”

“No,” he repeated, more firmly this time. “Alecia, you are the face of this family. You are the one who will marry Luca Caruso, and that is final.”

Alecia’s face crumpled in frustration, and I could see the desperation in her eyes. She was cornered, trapped in a situation she wanted no part of. And yet, despite the tension, I could feel a strange sense of relief washing over me. For once, I wasn’t the one expected to sacrifice anything for the family.

But that relief was short-lived.

“Fine,” Alecia said suddenly, her voice low and seething with anger. “If you think Valentina is so useless, why don’t you just have her take my place? She’s been dying to prove herself to you, hasn’t she?”

The words hung In the air like a guillotine blade, and I felt my stomach drop. I opened my mouth to protest, but no sound came out. Alecia’s gaze was fixed on our father, her challenge clear.

Our father’s reaction was immediate. He slammed his hand down on the table, rattling the silverware. “That is enough, Alecia!” he thundered, his face turning red with fury. “Valentina has no use to this family!”

A bitter laugh escaped Alecia’s lips. “Oh, but I do? That’s what this is, isn’t it? You’re trading me off like some piece of bargain chip because you’re too weak to handle whatever mess you’ve gotten yourself into, right?!”

My father’s face darkened further, and for a moment, I feared the argument would escalate into something far worse. But then, he took a deep breath, reining in his temper.

“This is not a discussion,” he said in a tone that brooked no argument. “You will marry Luca Caruso, Alecia. You will secure our family’s future.”

Alecia pushed back her chair abruptly, rising to her feet. “I won’t do it,” she declared, her voice shaking with fury. “I won’t let you control my life!”

Before anyone could react, she turned on her heel and stormed out of the dining room, leaving a stunned silence in her wake. My father sat motionless, his eyes boring into the space where Alecia had just stood. I could see the gears turning in his mind, his expression a mix of anger and frustration.

For a long moment, neither of us spoke. I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if there was anything I could say that would make a difference. All I felt was a deep, aching sorrow—a sense of impending doom that I couldn’t shake.

Finally, my father sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping as if under a great weight. “She doesn’t understand,” he muttered, more to himself than to me. “She doesn’t understand what’s at stake.”

I remained silent, unsure of how to respond. My father’s gaze shifted to me, his eyes filled with a mixture of resignation and something else—something I couldn’t quite place.

“You should have stopped her,” he said quietly, his tone carrying a hint of accusation.

“I—” I began, but the words died in my throat. I wanted to tell him that there was nothing I could have done, that Alecia had always been headstrong and impossible to control. But I knew he wouldn’t listen. He never did.

Instead, I nodded, accepting the blame as I always had. It was easier that way, easier than trying to explain the complexities of my sister’s rebellion and my own helplessness.

My father sighed again, rubbing his temples as if warding off a headache. “This isn’t how things were supposed to go,” he murmured. “Alecia was supposed to secure our future. Now…”

His voice trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid. But I knew what he was thinking. Without Alecia’s marriage to Luca Caruso, our family’s future was in jeopardy. The debt we owed was too great, the stakes too high. And with Alecia gone, there was only one option left.

The thought sent a cold shiver down my spine, but I pushed it away, refusing to entertain the possibility. Like my father had said, I want much use to this family and Alecia would eventually come to her senses and realize she’s doing this for the family. She has to.

But as the evening wore on and the silence in the house grew heavier, a nagging doubt began to creep into my mind. What if she didn’t come to her senses? What if she remained headstrong like that one time our father wanted her to become school valedictorian and she refused to?

What if this ended in one big fat mess?

With a sigh, I pushed the troubling thoughts aside and focused on clearing the table. But even as I went through the motions, that seed of doubt remained, burrowing deeper with each passing minute.

And as I retired to my room that night, I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was about to change.