Romans & histoires Can't Fight This Feeling

Mahinang bulong nito sa akin na pakiramdam ko kung hindi ako naging attentive ay hindi ko yun maririnig. Napalunok ako. I like this feeling, but it scares me the same time. I am trying so hard to stop this feeling. I am scared of it. It is like a poison that has no antidote. I am afraid that I keep falling to a deep shit. I don't want anything that holds me back from coming back to earth. I don't want it. I am afraid that I will loose my sanity because of it.

I constantly wondered when this nightmare was going to end. Something was restraining my arms. My legs, too, were immobilized, tulad ng napansin ko noong sinubukan kong pilit abutin ang kamay nitong sumasakal sa akin upang tanggalin ito dahil sa binibigay nitong labis na sakit. There is no air to breathe, kaya't ramdam na ramdam ko ang pressure mula sa aking dibdib at lalamunan. Nanlalabo ang aking mga mata at ang aking baga ay dumaranas ng matinding sakit at alam kong sa puntong iyon ang puwedeng mangyari. However, my every instinct forced me to fight this unseen enemy, upang takasan ang mga gapos na ito, upang tumakbong malaya muli.

Maybe I don't fear fights but that time I feel fear. Fear that maybe oneday Chase will walk away to my life. Fear that my mind was right. Fear that one day we will not seeing each other. I haven't been in a relationship but I know the word 'love'. I told Rhezian that I don't know what if feels but I really do know. I love Chase and I denied it to them because I don't want them to look at me with pity. That one day when he leaved me, It'll fucking hurt me.

Even now, I cannot find the strength to move, a double wave of panic stings and burns in my chest. Hanggang sa maramdaman ko— unti-unting bumabagsak sa akin ang katotohanan. Ang lihim na matagal kong kinimkim ay unti-unti nang nabubunyag… at wala akong sandata para ipaglaban ang sarili ko.

So near. Mas lalo ko siyang idiniin sa pagkababae ko. Para na akong mababaliw sa sobrang sarap na hirap na akong pigilan pa ang sarili ko. Wala na ako sa tamang pag iisip para magkaroon pa ng pake sa kanya. All I want in this very moment is my climax. I fucking want to reach it. Mas lalo akong mababaliw kung hindi. "Ahhh!"

“Para lang takpan ang sakit?” Tumango ako. “Oo. Kasi kung hindi ko tatawanan, baka iiyak ko na lang.” Napalunok siya at marahang tumango. Lumapit siya ng bahagya. Hindi masyadong malapit, pero sapat para maramdaman kong totoo ang sinasabi niya. “I’m not good at this, Marga,” bulong niya. “I don’t know how to deal with feelings. I’ve always tried to avoid them.”

Sariwa pa rin sa pandama niya kung gaano kakinis ang katawan nitong ilang ulit dinaanan ng palad niya. Napapikit siya. Ang lakas ng epekto nito sa kanya. Nakarating sila sa langit kahit na simpleng dry h*mping lang ang ginawa nila. Talagang puro kalokohan ang laman ng utak nito. Sukat akyatin siya at akitin. Pero bilib din siya sa fighting spirit nito. Ito lang ang babaeng kilala niyang ganoon kalakas ang loob.

He was just terrified of the thought that there was nothing they could do, that they were standing there waiting for something they couldn’t fight, couldn’t hurt, couldn’t stop. Yung galit na nararamdaman niya ay galing lang sa takot—takot na baka wala na talagang paraan para makaligtas siya, o makaligtas sa kanilang pareho. Yung pagsigaw ay parang mas madali kaysa tanggapin na wala silang magagawa. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a slow breath like she was gathering the strength to put the truth into words.

The courage I clung to slipped away. How do you fight a man who already knows what your next move?

Sila ang tinawagan ni Riel kanina. Hindi ako sigurado sa dapat kong maramdaman sa lahat ng nangyari ngayong araw. Galit na galit ako. Pakiramdam ko, wala ng paglalagyan ang nararamdaman kong matinding galit. Ngunit kasabay din nito ay ang hindi matanggal na bigat sa dibdib ko. It was an unbearable weight on my chest. Kaya ko pa bang i-handle 'to?