Define Self-loathing Novels & Stories

At tinadyakan ko ito sa likod ng tuhod niya pagkauwan ay siniko ko ito sa likod ng leeg nito dahilan para mapaluhod ito. Ningisihan ko lag ang harapan ko na ngayon ay may bahid na galit at nandidilim ang mukha. Inilipat ko ukit ang tingin kay Black o kung sino man siya. "Gaya nga ng sinabi mo hindi mapagkakatiwalaan ang nasa paligid ko..." saad ko rito na ngayon ay umiimpit sa sakit. Akma na sana akong tatalikod ng may maalala ako. "And by way, you don't know me will...the way I don't know myself either...kaya wag mong pangunahan ang sarili ko."

Agaran ang pag-iinit ng mata ko at kalaunan din, may mga tumulong luha sa lamesa. Hindi man lang niya ako pinagpaliwanag nang mabuti. If he was that disgusted with me, sana sinabi niya sa akin. Tapos nakipaghiwalay siya sa akin. At least if that happened, nasabi ko rin ang dahilan ko. Hindi ganito na bigla siyang nawala. Hindi ko man lang naipagtanggol ang sarili ko. I was left to choke on my own truth. I was forced to believe that I was disgusting enough for him to never show up again. And eventually, I developed this sickening feeling that all men would take advantage of me because I was a disgusting person for having pictures with another man.

Napakagat labi ito nang marahas na ang pagtaas at baba ng kaniyang kamay. Umawang ang kaniyang labi at nanginig nang labasan ito. Habol ang kaniyang paghinga at wala na siyang nagawa kung hindi murahin ang sarili sa kaniyang pinaggagawa at naiisip. "Fuck you, self. Para kang baliw, Aslan." Husga niya sa sarili. "She shouldn't run on your mind, asshole. She's just a bet, so stop desiring her." Usal niya sa kaniyang sarili.

Hindi ko kakayanin na kaharapin si Elijah na ganoon ang tingin niya. Hindi ibig sabihin ay sumusuko ako, ay mahina na ako. Alam ko lang kung paano ko pahalagahan ang sarili ko. If he only see me as a tool, then he doesn't deserve my affection. It's alright to be selfish, right? Sa pagkakataon na ito, ililigtas ko ang sarili ko. I don't want him to use me and will be discarded once he's done. I don't deserved to be trashed out. I don't deserve this kind if life.

“AYAW KO NA!” “PAGOD NA AKO! PAGOD NA PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKOOO!!” I shouted so loud that my tears flows without noticing it. Ang sakit sa loob! Ang sakit! “GAGO KA KRIST! DAPAT DI KA NALANG NABUHAY!!” I hate myself I hate my body! I don’t know if I can go. The pain is tearing me apart, Sobrang sakit sa loob.

May pilit na iniiwasan pero iyon at iyon pa rin ang ginagawa na nagpapalabas na pinagmumukha lang nating tanga ang sarili. I felt use, stupid and worthless just because of my own shallow mind.

It’s just about business and my mission and nothing more. I hate myself for hoping. Huminga ako nang malalim para pakalmahin ang sarili. Then I fix myself. Hindi ko na dapat hayaan ang sarili kong magpakita ng kahinaan. This isn’t me. This isn’t what my parents taught me. I fucking need a distraction.

It was a silent statement. But following that thrill was a crushing weight of guilt. Isang bigat sa dibdib na hindi ko maipaliwanag. It wasn't because of the woman currently staying in my mansion, but because of the betrayal I felt I was committing. Every time I allow myself to get close to Savine, pakiramdam ko ay tinatraidor ko ang alaala ng totoong Elvi. And that is where my self-loathing begins. I know. Matagal ko nang alam.

A person can't ignore their own heart when it comes to feelings or emotions as strong as mine and I feel with all my heart. Halos malunod ako sa mga katagang iyon. I don't know how to handle this! Ipinikit ko ang mata at hinayaan ang malamyos na malamig na hangin na tumama sa aking mukha. I've been feeling down on myself lately. In a court couple of hours ago, I tell myself all sorts of lies and discredit myself. I let my personality judge me. am starting to believe that self, I am not worthy. So many what if. So many maybe. So many doubts and so many possibilities.

Wala naman akong interes kay Aquilino, mas gusto kong pahalagahan at kilalanin pa ang sarili ko ngayon. Though, I know, it is a difficult process. Self love is such a difficult process. It's a difficult process to navigate, not only because it takes time, and patience, and tenderness, but because there's also this shame that seems to grow within us when we cannot find it. We are constantly sold this idea of self love - it's relayed to us on social media, in advertising, within the music we hear and the shows we watch. The world is constantly saying "Just love yourself" and so when we can't, or when it's difficult, we feel sad, or guilty for not being able to achieve that or see ourselves the