When I Was Younger Novels & Stories

Mukha itong isang diyosa na bumaba sa lupa pakiramdam ko ay nagmukha akong eighteen years old. Nilibot ko ang aking paningin sa paligid at saka ko lang napagtanto na nasa loob pala ako ng isang magarang silid habang sa likuran ko ay dalawang babae na may seryosong mukha. Marahil ay sila ang nag-ayos sa akin dahil hawak pa ng isa sa kanila ang isang foundation kit.

Na para bang wala kaming ibang kasama, na kami lang dalawa ang nasa malaking bulwagan na iyon. And the seven years went whistling down the wind. I huffed, breathing out for air, the way it did all those years before at the sight of him, and I was no longer a law graduate, nor the confident Sales Agent of Diamond Bel-Air. I was that foolish young girl again, barely nineteen, taking my first fledging steps towards adulthood by falling in love for the very first time in my life.

“Eh, kayo po kasi, busy. Ako rin po, laging nasa school.” “Alam ko. Pero habang pinagmamasdan kita nitong mga nakaraang buwan, naisip ko… anak, kamukha mo ako noong edad ko 'yan.” Napatingin ako sa kanya. “Po?” “Yung disiplina mo, yung pagiging masinop sa gamit, pati sa schedule… I was exactly like that. Palaging gusto kong maayos lahat. Palaging may plano. Walang sablay.” Humigop siya ng tsaa. “Pero alam mo ba kung ano ang pagkakamali ko noon?”

But he had his haircut this morning. "I remembered something interesting from my childhood," nagsalita ito sa mababang boses. "I was seven when I first decided to give my heart to a little girl in the hospital. May sakit siya sa puso kaya naisip kong ibigay iyong sa akin para hindi na siya mahirapan."

Wala talagang nakaliligtas sa pagiging cunning ko. Hindi na ako bumalik pa sa dining area. I tried to enjoy my stay sa bahay ni Lolo. Nanood lang ako ng movies sa dati kong room. Before three in the afternoon, tumawag ang yaya ni Yna pero agad ko siyang sinigawan at pinatayan ng phone. Ayaw ko ng istorbo. Ayaw ko ng iyakin. Hindi kasi ako ganoon. When I was a kid, kahit i-bully ako ng classmates ko, I didn't cry nor make sumbong to my parents. I knew that no one would be there to fight for me except myself. I became tough because of the experiences.

That I'm such a disaster. Kaya minsan sa tuwing naiisip ko ang dating buhay namin! When I was a kid. Ang alam ko lamang ay maglaro ng umaga hanggang sa kina-hapunan. Sa tuwing uuwi ka ng bahay ay nariyan na si Papa upang paghandaan kami ng pagkain. Iyong iiyak ka lamang kapag nasugatan ka o nahulog ka sa punong mangga.

Sumakay ako at nag maneho ng mabilis palayo rito. Medyo malamig na ang panahon at ang sarap mag road trip, binuksan ko ang itaas ng bubong ng aking sasakyan. Naramdaman ko ang samyo ng ihip ng hangin saaking balat. Tuloy tuloy lang ako nag drive habang nakataas ang isang kamay ko. Para akong batang nag-lalaro sa hating gabi sobrang na miss ko ang mga ganitong ginagawa ko noong teenager pa lang ako. Nasa kasarapan ako ng road trip kasabay nang pakikinig ng music nang biglang mag ring ang cellphone ko.

We are heading into the holiday season, and I hope next year will give us a promising future ahead as husband and wife. His phone rang, stopping me from thinking about next year and our supposed wedding. He answered the caller while still not letting go of my hand. That is how sweet Trace is always in his gestures; he never let go of my hand every time we are out, and because of that… My mind travels back to when I was seven years old... and that memory was boosted when I saw a girl in her pigtails playing alone. “I remember when I was seven…” I don’t know why I uttered what was on my mind. I just blurted it out, and when I looked at Trace... I can't believe he was listening.

Just like what happened to me. I was just five years old when my family fell broken. My mom left me and my dad behind without explaining what's going on. She didn't even bother to say a word. All I knew is that, she chose to chase her passion in another country. She always dreamt to be a famous author ever since she was just a child, she said. I can even recall our moments back then, wherein she was always up top telling me how she discovered the world of fiction, how she easily developed multiple plots at the same time on her mind, and so much more.

My heart also literally jumped in happiness! It's as if I see my younger selves again through these picture. Nilakasan ko ang loob ko para lapitan ang isang portrait. Pinagmasdan ko ang mukha ko, it's my childhood self. Isa akong flower girl at may hawak na basket ng bulaklak habang tinatapon sa ere ang petals na nasa basket na hawak ko. Nakangiti, masaya, at parang walang problema. Hindi ko na maalala kung anong taon ito at kung kaninong kasal ang in-attendan namin n'yan pero mukhang masasagot na ang tanong ko, nasa ilalim ito ng portrait.