Novel & Cerita Drowning In My Own Thoughts

I heaved a heavy sigh and before I'd go, I leaped right into the pool and stayed at the very bottom of the pool, keeping my breath but at the same time, hoping that I would not rise back up anymore. Na sana, hanggang doon na lang ang lahat. People will soon find my body and will assume that I committed suicide. Ano pa nga ba? But quitting was never my thing. Struggle is. Thriving is what I am living for, perhaps ever since I was born. After quiet sometime, I rose back up into the surface, gathered my things and fixed myself. Hindi gaanong malayo ang tinitirhan ko kaya mabilis lang akong nakarating sa sarili kong apartment.

“Look at you, Trixie! Talking to a whiskey glass. Talking to yourself. Midnight and you’re still awake. Then he’s sleeping peacefully upstairs, while you… here you are, drowning in your own thoughts.” Trixie leaned back, eyes half-lidded, while whispering to herself. “Maybe… maybe this is what I deserve. To stay awake. To feel this ache. To remember everything I’ve been trying so hard to bury.” And so she stayed like that, staring into oblivion, the silence wrapping around her like a blanket, broken only by the faint clink of the glass when she took another sip. Minutes turned into what felt like hours dahil sa sunod sunod niyang lagok ng mapait na alak.

‘I’VE GOT THE BEST THING OF MY LIFE!’ That was what Daniel thought while he was drowning himself with alcohol, down into his system until he passed out and forgot everything that was happening. He thought he was going to be okay but it seems he did not, he never will. He was hopeless and miserable and waking up for him every single day is like a living hell. Everything is perfect, supposed to be but it turns out that the best day of his life became his worst nightmare. He lost everything.

I'm alone. These waves of sadness come every so often and it feels like I'm drowning. And I'm reaching for anyone or anything to pull me out. But at the same time, I don't want to. I don't want anyone to be dragged into this. I catch my breath only to be taken out by the next wave I didn't see coming. I'm trying to just get to my feet but I keep falling. Another thing that adds to and worsens... is my condition. Suddenly, I was no longer responding to those around me. I just feel tired. Hindi ko na rin mahanap ang boses ko. Suddenly I lost the ability to speak and it freaking scares me more.

ibang tao pa kaya? Tulala akong tumayo. Naglakad papuntang banyo. Agad kong binuksan ang tubig sa bathtub. Wala na ako sa aking sarili. Para na akong nakalutang sa kawalan. Biglang naging manhid ang aking pakiramdam. Ayaw ko ng mag-isip pa. Pagod na ako...pagod na pagod na.......Hangang sa nakita ko na lang ang aking sarili na nasa bathtub na ako. Nakalublob sa tubig at nakatingin sa kawalan...........

BRYCE VICENTE POINT OF VIEW I didn't know but there is this certain sadness that comes Along from nowhere. Its not the kind of sadness that can be fixed with good sleep or rest; it runs so deep that it makes me feel tired waking up each morning. Im drowning in my own thoughts. And im trying to get rid of this feeling because I still want to know where this life will take me.

The weight is suffocating, dragging me down like I'm being strangled slowly, methodically, until the last bit of life drains from me. My hands tremble violently, shaking with a cold rage and helpless fear. My shoulders convulse uncontrollably as if trying to shake off the memories clawing at me. Tears flood my face, hot and endless, carving channels through the grime and blood. My cracked lips part in desperate gasps, fighting for breath that won't come. Every inhale is ragged, shallow, like my lungs are collapsing under the pressure.

Dumeretso ako sa kung saan pero natagpuan ko yung sarili ko sa gitna ng isla. Sa buhangin kaharap ang dalampasigan dahilan para manghina ang tuhod ko at mapayuko, rinig na rinig ko ang pag-iyak ko kung kaya't hinayaan kong mapaluhod ako sa buhangin at yumuko sa sariling palad. I thought I was getting used to it, but no it's getting worse. Now my mind is telling me a lot. I wonder if I'm crazy 'cause it feels like I'm hearing words telling me to get drown so this pain would totally end. I shrugged, thinking it's not true.

I could not move… I felt like I was slowly sinking into the water. Then, memories, voices, confessions flashed in my head like lightning in a storm… “I am a sinner, take me Lord, I am ready to go…” “I deserve this, I am sorry…” “Ayoko nang mabuhay pa!” Each thought echoed louder than the last, drowning me more than the water itself. My lungs burned, my chest ached, and then, silence. Ngunit, bago ako tuluyang lamunin ng dilim, narinig ko pa ang malakas na lagapak ng tubig. Tila may tumalon.

Nanlalabo na ang paningin ko at umiikot na rin ang paligid. “I’m okay, I’m okay…” I kept whispering to myself, pero hindi umuubra. Pumikit ako nang mariin. I saw an image of Mama in a river, dead cold. Another image of her hanging lifeless on a rope. Sunod-sunod ang iling ko. My body shook so badly that I was losing my grip on myself. Para akong mamamatay dahil hindi ako makahinga. And then there was blackness, freeing me from my bad thoughts.