Novel & Cerita Drowning In My Own Thoughts

She sob and let herself drown by the pain. ******

Para kahit paano mabawasan ang water retention sa katawan niya kaya lang. She pressed her lips and looked at the scenery surrounding her. Paris is a beautiful city. But even the picturesque view cannot calm her worries and fears at that moment. Awful thoughts keep coming in and she can't control it. She was standing and yet, her emotions were drowning her. "Are you listening, Sophie?" untag sa kanya ni Ms. Elle maya-maya. Agad siyang nag-angat ng tingin. "I... I am."

“Stop it, Lily. Don’t do this again.” Pilit kong binangon ang sarili ko mula sa kama. Ayokong mahiga maghapon at isipin siya. Gusto kong guluhin ang isip ko at ibaling sa ibang bagay. I needed to move. To get away from my own thoughts. I padded toward the bathroom, letting my feet sink into the rug. The cold tiles shocked me awake. I turned on the shower. Steam began to curl up the mirror. I stepped under the water, hoping it would wash away more than just sleep.

It was cold, yet the desire to go further was evident. Gusto kong maligo. The thoughts with Psalm and… everything that happened tonight seemed to get me, and the only way to wipe it out for a minute is if I drown myself a little in this cold ocean. Is if I… drown my thoughts, as well as myself in this horizon.

He needs to breathe, he needs to survive, he needs to go up to the surface because if not, he can drown any moment. 'Damn it…’ He thought to himself. ‘Ito na siguro ang katapusan ko…' He thought to himself once again, closing his eyes as the water was getting darker and darker.

And why would I give him a shit, anyway? Inalis ko sa isipan ang nakita ko kanina at hinayaan s'ya sa ginagawa. But minutes later, I found it extremely suspicious. The pool stayed back in it's calm surface with a tiny waves because of the droplets of rain. It's been an almost hour as he haven't get up from the water. A sudden fear crept throughout veins. Isn't he intentionally drop himself and planned get drowned? To kill himself? Suicide? I fought the urge stand up, but I failed. I stood up and marched towards the pool's corner.

Lumakas ang tahip ng aking dibdib, mukhang hindi ako makahinga sa nakita. I feel like I am drowning, hindi ko maigalaw ang aking mga paa at kamay. It's like someone pushing me further. Hindi ko alam tong nararamdaman ko pero takot na takot ako hanggang sa mailublob ko ang aking ulo sa bath tub. Hindi ako makahingi ng tulong, iniisip kong katapusan ko na to hanggang sa makarinig ako ng malakas na boses.

He made me who I am supposed to be. "Alright, I'm leaving now, but try to think about what I said." Paalam niya saka tuluyan ng umalis. Isinubsob ko ang sarili sa trabaho. It's my only way to divert my mind. I think it's better than drowning myself in alcohol. I didn't want to look miserable. I opened my email.

With that resolve, tumayo ako at naglakad papasok sa bahay, hindi para magpahinga na, kundi para kumuha pa ng isang bote ng alak. I wanted to drown these unnecessary thoughts and feelings so bad. The backdoor led me straight to the kitchen. Pakiramdam ko ay umiikot na ang mundo, pero kulang pa ang kalasingan kong ‘to, hangga’t hindi pa pumipikit ang mga mata ko.

Gitil ko at masama siyang tinignan bago ko tinulungan ang sariling tumayo. "Pakawalan mo na ako Zai, k-kalimutan mo 'ko tulad ng ginawa mo nang gawin mong gaguhin ako." The grudge in my heart is making me hard to breathe, I swallowed the lump in my throat. My thoughts were making me crazy, I'm thinking of jumping on the rooftop, i'm thinking making myself drown until I'm out of breath. "Dahil kung hindi, hinding hindi mo na ako makikitang humihinga pa pag-gising mo—"