Funny Mom Jokes Dirty

My mother marries into the Patterson family with me after her divorce. She marries Thomas Patterson, the dean of a veterinary hospital. Meanwhile, I marry Walter Patterson, a firefighter captain and Thomas' son. On this day, there's a huge storm. I'm almost due for labor, but I still head to the hospital to pick my mother up after an operation. We head to the subway, but it ends up being flooded. I endure the labor contractions and call Walter with trembling hands, wanting to ask for help. He finally answers after hanging up on me 18 times. "What the hell do you want? How stupid can you be, calling me in such a huge storm? "I'm saving lives here! Tracy's foot was cut by glass while being saved, and I've just bandaged her wound. Now, I have to take her dog to Dad's hospital so he can save it. The dog is hanging by a thread; if you need help, get some other firefighter to do it! Don't pester me!" Later, the rescue team arrives. My mother and I are pushed to the back of the crowd, and people won't stop shoving us around. The floodwater rises, and I have no choice but to carry her on my back while trudging along the corridor. This continues for three hours. When we're finally rescued, my mother is already unconscious, and I end up losing my child, who's almost to term. My mother and I look at each other tearfully in the ward we share. I say, "Mom, I'm getting a divorce." She says, "It's not a big deal, sweetheart. I'll do it with you. I've done it once before—I know how this goes."

"Just let me hold you for a while, please," he said after setting me back down. This time, he laid me in the middle of the bed before sliding in next to me. "What if this was really me? Not a dream version of Lucy but the real thing?" I asked. He reached his hand across to me, pulling my hair behind my ear before pulling me closer to his body. "Well, in real life, you probably would have slapped me for doing this," he said, making us both laugh. Little did he know. After I witnessed my mom's murder, I fled my pack to search for a freedom I knew may never exist. I dreaded the day I would turn 18 as I never wanted a mate bond after the horror I had lived through. After years of being sold as a slave, I found myself belonging to a new pack once again. And then, I turned 18. I found not just one but two mates along with untapped power that I have no idea how to manage. ***TRIGGER WARNING - SA AND PHYSICAL ABUSE MENTIONED THROUGHOUT STORY***

Mumbai. The city of dreams. Shining bright with impressive skyscrapers, glamorous filmstars, and glittering malls. Standing tall on the shimmering coast of the Arabian Sea. Everywhere Sun hits here, this city dazzles. But beneath this warm dazzle, there is another Mumbai. The cold Mumbai. The dark Mumbai. The stronghold of the mafia. Where narrow alleys are splattered with gun-powder and blood. Where lives are discarded like tissue papers. Where an obscene amount of money circulates unaudited. And since years now, this formidable underworld is under Lala Amarnath Vaghela's thumb. The powerful mafia kingpin who started his ascent from the slums of Dharavi years back, today he controls most of the Indian subcontinent's illegal dealings and organized crime with an iron fist. But not without help. Kunal Ranjan Vaghela. Lalaji's grandson and his heir apparent. Apple of his grandfather's eyes, he is calculative, sly, and cold-blooded. Samar Jagtap. Lalaji's ruthless and cunning protege. Indispensable, he is as unapologetic as they come in this business. Everything is working smoothly in Lalaji's world. Like a well-oiled machine. Or is it? Because apart from sharing Lalaji's trust, apparently these two capable young men also share an undisguised hatred for each other. Not above playing dirty in this high-stakes arena, both are merely bidding their time to tear one another down. But no matter who emerges the winner out of the two, there is someone who will only lose. A torn heart that refuses to take sides. A girl who dared to love them both. Stubborn and loyal-to-a-fault Maahi. Full name Maahi Ranjan Vaghela. Kunal Vaghela's beloved baby sister. And the beautiful confusion of Samar Jagtap's life.

Love finds you irrespective of your religion, race, tribe or color. They were caught up in a web of love when they lest expected it, both were from different backgrounds. It was hard to admit at first but after falling in love. It was more difficult to let go. Will they surmount all difficulties and obstacles? Will they fight for their love or watch it while it washes away with the rain that's about to pour? Join Ben and Roshan as they go through the hurdles of life together on a journey of true love.

After seven years of marriage, Marisol Speight's husband, Lucian Muller, is unpredictable and treats her with cold indifference as if she's nothing. She once believed that after marrying Lucian, she would one day win his heart and live a happy, fulfilling life. However, on a snowy anniversary that only she remembers, she finally realizes that Lucian and his family are happy enough without her. She'll never be anything more than an outsider who can't blend in. He hates her for making him break his promise to marry his childhood friend; their son mocks her for falling short in every way when compared to said childhood friend… Marisol is doubly betrayed by her husband and son. They're as intimate with another woman as they never were with her. She laughs self-deprecatingly at the mess that is her life. Then, she loses hope in them and asks for a divorce. She gives up custody of her son and leaves, later becoming a globally renowned fashion designer and genius painter—her work isn't accessible to just about anyone. Unexpectedly, her husband and son refuse to let her go despite her already giving up on them. Her son cries, "You're my mom! You can't hold other children!" Her husband, who has always been cold and indifferent, turns clingy and refuses to agree to the divorce. "You're the one who chose me, so you have to bear the responsibility for life! You want a divorce? Dream on!"

“Honey, this is Drake, my boyfriend,” mom’s voice snapped me back to reality. “He’ll be your new father.” Like seriously? Will he be my father? I was about to tell my mother off on her acclamation. There’s no way in hell that I’ll allow such a stud to be my father. However, before I could utter the words on my lips, my wolf stirred and jumped with joy and instead of a protest, it screamed ‘Mate' ----- On a mission to find his uncle who killed his elder brother. Drake went to Silvertail to haunt his evil uncle. To keep his identity as the Alpha king, he humbled himself and chose to live with his newly found girlfriend. However, everything changed when her daughter happened to be his long awaited mate.

Warning- Mature Audiences only!. -Strong sexual content. - rated language. Original work. Description: "Get up!." He commanded. His voice was stern and his cold blue eyes pierced into my skin. I didn't look fazed by his intimidating demeanor. "You muckerfucker blood-sucking demon." I cussed, biting down my lower lip to hinder myself from not raining more curses at him. He smirked. He glided across the room until he stood in front of me, I looked right into his eyes as he lowered down to my level. His hand gripped my chin up, his blue eyes looking deep into mine. "You won't end well if you continue to speak to me like that," I smirked. "I am not afraid of you!" He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "And you're afraid of death, I am death." My jaw dropped. He knows where to get me. He let go of me seeing my frightened look and looking satisfied. "But you didn't have to kill that girl for my sake. She did nothing." "Someone's going to cover up for you." He turned around and went to sit on my bed. "But I didn't kill him. There was nothing to cover up for." "Oh, dear." He said and lit his joint up. "He died." I froze. I killed someone too. I've stained my hands with blood. "Don't look too surprised and all that stunned. That's one thing you'll learn how to do and face. You've got to learn how to kill." *** Vanora Campbell's mom died leaving her with her uncaring father, she blamed her father for killing her mother and lived so carelessly thereafter. Her life turned upside down when her dad sold her to the Italian mafia boss, Zavi Covillie.

Orla's world falls apart on her 18th birthday when she discovers that Dante, whom she loves, is not her mate. She crumbles even more when she learns that her mate is the most dangerous, powerful, and bloodthirsty Lycan King Angus Lincoln, who forces her to beg on her knees. As if that wasn't enough, life plays its dirty game and she is mercilessly killed. But this is not the end of the story because the Moon Goddess grants her a second chance. How she got the rebirth is also a secret for her! ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~ Will she be able to exact her revenge and find the love for which she died in her previous life, or will she fall into another trap? Will the Lycan King be able to break his curse and reclaim his mate, or will he lose her once more? Let's find out ;-)

#mutual contain 18+only "you should go to the other room" he said She looked at him in shock its there first night. He was nervous and open his mouth to say something. After a while, he said "your father makes a deal with me that if I marry you he will give me half of his property. My company is in loss and I don't want to marry you coz I am not interested in you, you are not my type.i feel disturbed when you are around me!" It is all he said to her. She got up from bed and a hot tear escape from eye and she left his room. She did not said a word to him. *************************** Roya knight-she is good. Age=22 educated and shy in nature. She is rich but she is also black in color. She never wear something so revealing. Simple and always smile. And she is tall, slim, perfect body, and her eyes is most attractive. She has every good thing but only lack of personality is her color. Johnson Robin - He is handsome. Every girl dream about him. He has well built body. He has blue eyes and white men. He is men of his word. Age=27. He run huge business and he has so many girlfriend. Content and /or trigger warning :This story contains mature sexual content. Strong language ahead, adult jokes also. Which may trigger for some readers. You have been warned

Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster ride that just has to take its course. Hazel was rejected by someone she loved and was told that he would be engaged to her deadly foe. In great despair, she went to a bar and met this handsome guy (Zac). They drank a lot and played games. Under the influence of alcohol, they got married. However when they came back to her senses, they decide to make things right, but it's hard to get a divorce now because she wants to use the dramatic yet genuine marriage to keep her proud in front of her deadly foe. Zac on the other hand was the future heir to one of the richest and prosperous families. Although he was endowed with an otherworldly handsomeness, he was known to be as cold as ice and had a natural dislike for women although they always craved after him like bees to a honey pot. But for some unknown reason, he finds something unique about Hazel which he can’t explain. Perhaps, it were her eyes which were limpid and pure like autumn water and sparkled like azure pools in the morning sunlight… Would it be possible that they fall in love with each other in the future? Take part in this amazing piece, and experience a story filled with various mysteries and incredible twists as she uncovers the mysteries surrounding Zac who decides to hide his identity and tremendous background in order to win her heart genuinely.