It Should Have Been Me Mga Nobela at Kwento

Ang isang ito ay mas maikli kaysa sa iba, ngunit hindi gaanong nagwawasak sa aking pag-iisip, o kontrol. “I never planned for any of this happen. Wala na akong ibang gusto kundi tanggalin ang pantulog na ito at gugulin ang buong magdamag sa pagpapaligaya sa iyo, ngunit hindi ko magawa. You deserve so much better than this... than me. I'm....” Pinutol ko ang sasabihin niya.

It's as if the world flipped. Well, who do I blame for this? It's all my fault. If only I had been brave enough to hold him, protect him, and not deny everything, he might still be in my arms. Shit. Shit. Shit. If I could turn back the clock to that time, I would. I fucking really would if I could.

Isang bahagi ng pagiging tao ay mananatiling lagalag sa lugar na ito. I was in my room on that moment, pinagkasya ang sarili sa pananariwa ng mga bagay na naganap nakaraan lang. It was happened na nagkaroon nga kami ng chance ni Shella Mae but things don’t work as well. I did and tried all my best, but I haven’t saved our relationship.

It was already reserved at ako lang ang namimilit na lumugar doon. That wasn’t my place—matagal niya nang pinamukha sa akin iyon. Ellyna was right. I thought myself as someone John couldn't live without. I should have made myself as someone he cannot live without. I thought myself as someone he needed, when I was the one who needed him. I thought myself as his special someone, when he never treated me differently from his other friends. I was the one who brought heartbreak to myself. I might cry again just thinking about how foolish I was. I can’t even say myself as selfish kasi hindi ko inisip ang sarili ko ni minsan. Do I need to pat myself again?

“You’re just meant to be the extra in other people’s stories.” Doon ko na-realize, hindi pala ako kailanman naging sapat para kay Dexter. At baka hindi rin talaga ako magiging sapat para kanino man. Kaya kung hindi man ako mananalo sa totoong buhay, at least mananalo ako sa panlabas na itsura. Nag-vibrate ang phone ko, kaya agad ko itong kinuha para basahin ang message. “I’m late, but I’m on my way.”

—D Nalugmok ako sa pagkakabasa ko niyon. Hindi ko napigilang umiyak. Napaupo ako sa gilid ng kama niya, hinaplos ang blanket, inamoy ang huling bakas niya. “I should’ve done more,” bulong ko. “I should’ve stayed with him longer. I should’ve called.”

In there, a sea of comments shows me how much people want to be me. 'How to be you po?' is the most common phrase I am receiving from strangers. But in the case of the people who know me or to the ones who think they do, they may not directly ask it, but I know they are saying, 'How to be not you, Heather?' I never asked that to myself, until a particular day came. Really, how to be not me? It was more destructive than a volcanic erruption, more painful than failed promises, worse than a gunshot. I will never forget that certain day during the expansion of twilight when my father wholeheartedly told me,

Hinablot ko muna yung bed sheet para takpan yung katawan kong nakabandera pa rin. "Hello." I said having my normal voice like there was nothing happened. Matutuwa ba ako dahil sa pagtawag niya ay di naituloy ni Vince yung katarantaduhan niya? O Kamuhian ko sila ng mga pinsan ko dahil sila yung dahilan kung bakit ako napunta sa sitwasyong toh? Don't blame them Viss. My conscience interrupt me from that selfish thought. yeah! It was all my fault dahil pumayag rin naman ako sa plano nila. It was my fault cause pinaniwalaan ko agad sila. It was all my fault.

Parang tinatambol ang puso ko sa sobrang bilis ng pagtibok nito. Iniwan niya akong nakatulala sa aking upuan. Yumuko ako upang itago ang aking nararamdam. Nanghihina ako na hindi ko alam. Gusto kong umalis pero hindi ko pwedeng iwan ang kuya ko sa mahalagang araw ng buhay niya. 🎶🎵🎶 Well, here we are again I guess it must be fate We've tried it on our own

Ito ay talagang kasuklam-suklam at hindi nararapat. Alam kong ito ang parusa ko. Ang karma ay talagang isang mapaghiganti na asong babae. Nakukuha ko na ang nararapat para sa kung paano kita tratuhin, aking sinta Ava. Bago ako umalis sa mundong ito, nais kong sabihin sa iyo kung gaano ako nagsisisi. Sa lahat ng ginawa ko sayo. Hinding-hindi ito magiging sapat para makabawi sa ginawa at sinabi ko, ngunit ito lang ang mayroon ako. I'm so sorry sa pagiging tanga ko. Sorry sa pagiging pinakamasamang ama. Sorry sa pagiging halimaw sa fairytale mo.