Novel & Cerita What Makes You Doubtful To Yourself

Pagkatapos ng dalawang oras, inatupag ko naman ang shorthand ko. I can't even concentrate that much. Suddenly, I just feel so nervous. I feel a sudden doubt deep inside my chest. Lumakbay ang isip ko sa mga posibleng mangyari bukas at sa mga susunod na araw. I began to question myself if I am really certain about this... If I am confident with what's going to happen in my life... and if I am ready to be that woman who will be an equal of him, a partner and someone who will stay with him for this lifetime.

I am really trust this man? I admit because of what happened to us, I sometimes doubt him. I stared at him for a second and I felt guilty for doubting this man. I sighed in shame. "I'm sorry..." I mumbled. "Yes, I trust you," I added with nodded. "Fiel..." "Oo nagtitiwala ako, pero minsan hindi ko mapigilang mag-isip..." ang hirap din pala lalo na kung saan kami nag-umpisa.

"I’m just... I don’t know. I’m excited, but also scared. What if this doesn’t work out? What if it’s just another illusion that will eventually fade?" Ava shook her head, placing a hand on Maya’s. "Maya, you have to trust yourself. Trust Ash. You've been through so much already, and you’ve made it this far. There will always be doubts, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the chance. You owe it to yourself—and to Ash—to see where this can go."

Akala ko mahihirapan akong tabuyin ang g*go pero hindi ko inaasahan na madali siyang maka-usap ngayon. Ilang salita ko lang ay tumango siya agad at walang alinlangang umalis na. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako sa inasta niya nang papaalis pa lamang siya. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay parang may mali. Lalo na sa mukha niyang nakatingin sa akin kanina nang sinabi niya ang mga huling katagang iyon. Pakiramdam ko ay may nadiskubre siya na hindi ko alam kung ano, pero may kutob akong masama iyon. I have never doubted my guts, that’s why I am so confident with myself. But now, I can’t even pinpoint what this bad hunch is telling me. It’s making me helpless. Wala akong magawa kundi magmasid na lang sa m

It’s hard as hell. Like sometimes we’ll be on top of the world, laughing at the demons from our past. Sometimes we’ll be indifferent, coasting through our days at a snail’s pace. Sometimes we’ll be lost, stumbling through with no direction. And sometimes we’ll be in over our heads with pain and fear. And right now I am facing the latter. Right now, I am spinning with decisions and anxiety, disappointment and self-doubt. Right now I am questioning who I am and how far I've come. Right now I am wondering whether or not I can even make through or if I am even capable of standing on my own two feet.

Pinagsalikop ko iyon at tinitigan siya. I shouldn't suspected him like that. Masyado lang akong naparanoid, hindi ko lang matanggap ang naisip na baka gawin niya sa akin 'yon. Hindi ko matanggap na magagawa niya iyon kahit hindi ko naman napapatunayan. It is my mistake to doubt him. Pero masisisi niyo ba ako? He's acting weird. Ngunit mas nangingibabaw ang isang emotion sa akin.

Parang may pader na biglang itinayo sa pagitan namin. Did she regret it? Masyado ba akong naging kampante? Masyado ba akong naging mabilis… lalo na sa paghalik ko sa kanya kagabi? Damn. Biglang sumikip ang dibdib ko. Ang kanina ay magaan at playful na mood ay napalitan ng kaba at self-doubt. Mali ba ang binasa kong signal? Akala ko pareho kami ng nararamdaman, o baka ako lang ang nag-assume. Baka para sa kanya, moment lang iyon. Samantalang ako, parang dinala ko na agad sa mas malalim.

Isang malakas na sigaw ang isinigaw ko. "Stop making my mind insane. You are not real. Scammer ka!" I shouted out of disbelief and fear. Natatakot ako, kasi I felt like hindi lang siya scammer, mukhang may problema din psychologically. I cannot stop blaming myself tuloy. Bakit ba naman ang hilig ng problema dumapo sa akin? Una, I have a weird dream and disturbing visions, ngayon naman I went here to meet with an insane scammer. I love my life!

I saw how surprise flashed through his eyes, then a suddenly, it turned dark. "I miss you." Yan lamang ang nasabi ko habang pinipilit ang ngiti sa aking mga labi. Hindi ko na rin itatago sa aking sarili ang aking nakita. A seconds of gloom flashing through his eyes when I tried to avoid his touch makes me felt unease. Kaya't hindi ko na inisip pang mag-isip ng ibang bagay at agad na binati ito. I doubted him. And it's not a good thing to let him knew of my doubts.

Napalunok sya ng tumama ang hininga ng matanda sa kanya. "Can't you see it? Can't you feel it? Or was it because you're already blind and numb enough to fool your self." Bulong nito sa mariin na pamamaraan. It made her doubt sa kanyang iniisip ngayon. May nalalaman ba ang dalawa ngayon? "Bumabalik na ba sya sa dating sya or was it because..."