Aku Bukan Tulang Punggung

Durani

The cold night air blows around me as I make my way home from a night out with friends.

The feeling of the few drinks I had runs through my gains making me feel somewhat dizzy but I shake the feeling away knowing that I only have two more blocks until I'm home.

Walking up the front steps a feeling of uneasiness washes over me as I turn to look around the empty streets feeling as if someone was watching me.

The streets are empty of any people and the few houses that line the street have there front porch lights on better lighting the view before me.

The uneasy feeling only starts to grow the longer I stand here looking around, quickly unlocking the front door I then hurry inside.

Quietly I walk to my room making sure I don't wake up my mom.

"Durani" I groan hearing her slurred voice.

"Durani" I turn on my side wishing that she would just leave me alone.

"Durani" she draws out then sighs "Fine I guess I'll toss this shit out" I sit up and she starts laughing.

"What it is" I ask almost hating that I asked.

"Come on and I'll show you" she walk out of my room and I get up to follow her.

The halls darker than it was when I entered the house only a few minutes ago, colder even.

My mom is a lot of things but kind, loving and caring are not them so when we stop at the end of the hall that leads to the basement I know that what Evers to come is something that will add to my fear of dark places and the many hidden bruises and scars that already bloom across my body, only hidden my my clothes.

"Where were you" she ask in a soft sweet voice that one would so easily mistake as concern.

"Out" I say knowing that the less I say the better.

"Out where" she ask as she opens the basement door.

"Nowhere" I answer, holding myself together the best I can.

She sighs loudly then grabs my arm and pulls me to her "Fucking who're" she all but growls before tossing me through the door where I scrap, hit and bounce on the four cement stairs that lead into the dark almost pitch black basement.

She leaves me her locked in the dark for no certain amount of time only remembering I'm alive when one of the few friends I've made starts looking for me.

We've moved six times in the last few months, I know it's only a matter of time before we move again and I hope for some small chance that this time where ever it is we move to that time will be on my side and I'll be able to graduate from school and turn eighteen before she ends up killing me.

Crawling on my hands and kneel I make my way to the small pile of blankets I remember being in the far right corner next to the washer and curl up to try and get some sleep before she comes back with a new idea of hell she wants to try.

My mom wasn't a back one when I was growing up but addiction is a sickness that most can't easily overcome, leaving many homes broken and their children like me to suffer.

As I close my eyes I send out a silent prayer to whoever's out there to please send me help. To send me love in the unconditional way and to save me from the pain that is my life.