ฉันกลายเป็นเด็กดีหลังถูกแช่แข็ง

I don’t need to look back to know that Alex is following me, the feeling of utter terror in the back of my head is enough to know that he is here. I try to speed up my pace, although I know that won’t help at all, Alex can follow me persistently for hours, no matter the pace, no matter what I do when he decides to follow me, every time I look back he is there. And he already knows the way from my work to my apartment by hard, even though I have tried to take different routes to confuse him.

A few months ago I didn’t even know that Alessandro Ricci existed and now he has turned my life upside down. Before Alex, I didn’t know what hate was, nor fear... when I was a little girl I used to be afraid of ghosts, but that was a fake fear because the ghosts were imaginary, Alex is real and so is the terror that overcomes me every time he is near.

I take an unexpected turn and walk into a convenience store, the cashier is a fat man with curly hair that barely even notices me when I enter, he is too entertained looking at his smartphone. I instinctively rush to the back of the store, even though the smartest thing would be to remain close to the cashier; that way there would be an eyewitness in case Alex tries something.

I stop in front of the glass refrigerators, I stare at the numerous brands of beer in front of me as I try to normalize my agitated breathing. The bell from the entrance door rings, Alex is here. I don’t turn around, even though I can hear his steps getting closer and closer.

“Looking for something, baby girl?” Alex asks behind my back.

Hearing his voice so close sends a chill down my spine. How I wish he would disappear from my life. 

I don’t turn around to face him, I am too afraid. Alex takes a step forward, pressing his body against my back, I can feel his breath on the back of my head. He then encloses me with his arm around my waist and presses my back hard against his chest. I look down at his hand on my belly, there is a tattoo of some sentence written in Italian and then some symbols on each finger, like bloody skulls or something similar, it is hard for me to see clearly because my eyes are filling up with tears. I turn my gaze to the cashier, but the man is not looking at us, he is still focused on his phone and besides, even if he lifted his eyes, he wouldn’t be able to see how Alex is holding me because the snack-filled shelves cover us from the neck down. Alex leans towards my ear.

“Do you and your good-for-nothing brother have my money yet?” He whispers to my ear.

I shake my head no. I am trying, but it is not easy to come up with $50,000 out of nowhere when you are a 21-year-old orphan that works as a receptionist.

“What are we going to do about it, Emma?” Alex asks as he presses his body even more against mine, we are so tight together there is not even room for a pin between us.

“Please, Alex, we will give you your money... I just need time,” I say in a trembling voice.

“I’ve waited long enough, baby girl, I’m getting impatient,” he says.

“Please, you agreed to give us five months,” I remind him terrified.

My younger brother, Eddie, has a gambling problem, he developed it shortly after we lost our parents. I guess playing poker was his way of coping with the loss or something like that. I knew that wasn’t good for him, but I let him be because I thought he needed time to grieve and heal. It wasn’t until those thugs showed up in our apartment that I realized the terrible mistake I made by letting him gamble. Eddie now owes 50,000 dollars to an underground gambling place run by the son of a well-known mobster called Vittorio Ricci. I had no idea who Vittorio Ricci or Alessandro Ricci were until a few months ago, when Alex came with other two men to my apartment late one night demanding for Eddie to pay him what he owes. I had never been more afraid in my life than at that moment. My brother seemed so fragile begging Alex to give him more time... it broke my heart. The men threaten us with guns, trying to intimidate us to give them the money, but of course, we didn’t have it. We still had some of the money from our parents' life insurance, 10,000 dollars, which I gave to Alex and then I asked him to give us five months to come up with the rest of the money. Alex agreed, but since that day he follows me around from time to time to make sure I don’t forget to pay, and I guess he also finds it amusing to mess with me. 

“It’s already been two months and I haven’t seen a dime,” he says angrily.

“We still have three more months... I will give you your money,” I say hesitantly.

“You know, if you don’t have the money, there is some other arrangement we could reach...” he says in a suggestive voice and my skin crawls. “I could give you a discount... if you please me...”

“I am not that kind of girl, Alex” I mumble afraid.

“Are you sure, baby girl? You may like it and if you make it worth my while, I could even forget all about the debt.” He whispers as his hand on my belly starts to go down slowly.

Disgusted by his touch, I jump, accidentally clashing against the freezer glass as I let out a scared whine. The fuss causes the cashier to finally look up.

“Hey! What are you doing back there?!” He asks annoyed.

I turn around, now Alex and I are face to face, his piercing blue eyes are staring at me as he smiles slightly. His black hair is pushed back. Overall, he is not an unattractive man... I would even consider him good looking if he wasn’t a gangster threatening me and my brother.  I take a step back, intimidated by his intense gaze. He is so much taller and stronger than me, I feel tiny in front of him. He is a sturdy man with brawny arms and I am a small and thin girl, I am painfully aware that if he ever decides to assault me, it would be very hard for me to fend him off.

“Nothing, sir, we are just getting some beers,” Alex replies casually.

He leans forward to reach for the refrigerator door, as I am on the way, I become trapped between him and the refrigerator. I can see his neck tattoos sticking out from his shirt.

“Three months, Emma... if you don’t get the money your loser brother dies,” he threatens me.

I feel my legs wobble. Alex grabs a can of beer from the stack and then walks towards the cash register, he carelessly throws some bills at the cashier and then walks out the store drinking his beer. I lean against the glass door as I wait for my body to stop trembling. At least for today, it is over.