Novel & Cerita Create In Me A Clean Heart

“I promise to love them and care for them but, please give them to me. Don’t take them away from me. Ngayon lang ako hihiling sa Iyo sa loob ng mahabang panahon kaya please, naman po ay pagbigyan Mo ako. I promise to change myself for the better. I promise to treat them better. I promise to always love them and always treasure them. Ibinibigay ko sa Iyong mga kamay ang buhay at kaligtasan ng mga taong mahal ko at sana po ay huwag Mo ako’ng bibiguin.” But as I cry and let the tears and the pain fall I could feel my heart lightens, I could feel my mind get clearer from all the doubt, anxiety, fear, stress and frustration I experienced and I had bottled up all this years. Hindi ko alam kung gaa

Because if you let shame and guilt to control your life, you are weak to all temptations. Your mind will think like this... I've sinned and dirty, so why bother fighting with this one? But if you believe that you are clean, that you are forgiven, that you are a child of God... your mind will think like this...I'm clean and I am a child of God. I will not let this temptation win. In other words, having a clean conscience will keep you from giving into temptation. Because temptation is also a challenge of your identity so you should know who you are and what is your identity in Christ."

Tuwing nagsusulat siya ng isang salita, binabaybay niya ito nang maingat at binibigkas nang may pasensya. Maganda ang boses niya, na parang may mahika na makakapagbigay siya ng lakas sa batang lalaki upang kontrolin ang kanyang mga damdamin. Sinabi niya sa batang lalaki na tuwing may demonyo sa kanyang puso na gustong makaapekto sa kanya, dapat niyang bigkasin ang "Heart Sutra."

It appears to me that I am now longing for his presence. Mukha delikado ang puso ko, the design is very nahuhumaling. Natural na nahuhumaling ako he keeps carrying the sausage that I've been dreaming of. "Yes. Only that sausage!" Giit ng maharot at maniac kong utak. Let's stick to the goal and do not involve the heart no matter what. MAGAGABI na at katatapos ko lang maligo. Magsisimula na naman ako sa pang-gabi gabi kong routine.

Hindi naman dahil magaling ka sa kama. Hindi yun. "Two." Hindi ko makakayang pakawalan ka sa puso at isip ko pero I will try hard para lang mawala ka dito. 'turo ko sa isip at puso ko.' This is so frustrating. Bakit ba kasi ako napamahal sa yo. Bakit mo hinayaang mahalin kita. Huminga ako ng malalim. I need to do this. I need to start again. To start something new in my life.

Para itong tahimik na kalangitan sa loob ng isang silid. At ngayon ko lang iyon napansin. Naalala ko si Ethan. "Kita mo ang mga puno na yan, matagal na silang nariyan pero hindi mo napapansin kasi abala ka sa sarili mong emosyon. Gawin mong payapa ang puso mo, subukan mong maging bukas. Sa ganun, kahit lupa ay mapapansin mo at pupuriin mo ang likha ng may kapal."

Bumuga ako ng hangin. "Palagi kitang dinadarasal na sana maging maayos at mapayapa ang buhay mo. At sana ma-convert ang puso ng Dad mo para matanggap niya kayo tutal may apo siya sa inyo. Lalambot din ang puso n'yan." Mariin kong nilapat ang mga labi. "Thanks, Insan. Ikaw talaga prayer warrior ko at katuwang sa ganitong suliranin."

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. Sana. Umayon na sa akin ang tadhana ngayon. Sana payagan na akong maging masaya. Sana ito na talaga. Napapikit ako. Sa isip, taimtim na nagdarasal. Please let me feel the happiness that I deserve. God, it feels like I’ve been praying about this forever. I believe You put this dream in my heart, and I am trying so hard to move in that direction. I try to keep a positive attitude, even when it seems like there’s not much to be positive about.

"God. I don't know what's your next plan for my next life. But I have one wish for you. Will you please, clean up my heart and let me forget everything? Everything that happened. Please wash my soul. Renew me." My heart is slowly beating, then another beat. And more beats and then continuously beating. Hanggang sa marinig ko na ang sariling tibok ng puso ko. Nakahanap din ako ng maliit na liwanag. Hanggang sa lumiwanag pa nang lumiwanag, hanggang sa lamunin na ako ng buong liwanag. I didn't see anything but only brightness that sends my eyes so much ray. Napapikit ako, then my own body is slowly fainting...