Novel & Cerita I Decided To Live As Myself

At tama nga ako. Nice move, Ash. Pinunasan ko ang mga luha sa mukha ko at saka tumayo. I need to move forward. Hindi humihinto ang mundo sa akin kaya hindi rin ako hihinto. I will keep moving forward because that's living. To live isn't just about being alive. To live is about moving forward. The world doesn't stop from revolving just because I'm hurt. I'm not the only person living in this world. So I need to continue, even if it means hurting myself. Even if it means depriving myself the right to be open... even to myself.

Huminga ako nang malalim at dahan dahang ibinaba ang kutsara. Napatingin sa akin si Dadi Lo, tila agad nabasa ang ekspresyon ko. “May gusto ka bang sabihin, iha?” Pareho silang tumingin sa akin, hinihintay ang sasabihin ko. “I want to live like a normal person.” Nanatiling tahimik ang dalawa kaya ipinagpatuloy ko. “I know tinatago niyo po ako because of my safety. Alam ko rin kung bakit. And don't worry, hindi naman ako magpapakilala sa kahit kanino. I won't tell anyone who I really am.”

I'm fine. I stayed inside my penthouse for one week without talking to anyone. Ngayon ko naranasan na masarap rin pala sa pakiramdam na tahimik lang. I was exposed to public because of my last name. Now, I am considering to live a simple life. Away from spotlight. Away from luxury. Away from being a socialite. After isolating myself I finally decided to go out because I am craving for some Italian foods. And I accidentally met John in the restaurant.

It is the universe who asked me a favor to stay. Ngunit sa paglipas ng panahon, nagkaroon ako ng dahilan para mabuhay—ang aking sarili. Mabubuhay ako para sa aking sarili. Iyan ang dahilan kung bakit hangga't papaano ay hindi ako hihingi ng tulong sa iba dahil wala sila sa listahan ng mga rason kung bakit ako lumalaban. People may think I am evil, but I'm trying to live fairly. If I say I don't need anyone, I don't need anyone both in my comfort and despair.

Hindi biro ang pinagdaanan n'ya bago n'ya narating ang tuktok. “Really, when I look back at it I wouldn’t change a thing. I mean, it was so important to me to lose everything because I found out what the most important thing is – To be true to yourself. Ultimately that’s what’s gotten me to this place. I don’t live in fear, I’m free, I have no secrets, I know I’ll always be okay because no matter what, I know who I am.” sabi ni Wayne. Nagpalakpakan at naghiyawan muli ang tao dahil sa sinabi n'ya.

“Ako pa ba? So, ano? Game? Run away heiress ang peg natin!” Wala namang masama kung pipiliin kong maging masaya sa sarili kong desisyon, 'di ba? Gusto ko lang maramdaman ang totoong ako, ang kalayaan. 'Yong hindi ko kailangan magpanggap na ibang tao para lamang magustuhan. I really need time for myself... I badly need my peace of mind...

Hindi ba pwedeng hayaan na lang nila ako? "I am fine..." I said as if I am convincing myself. Whatever they said to me... it doesn't matter anymore. I am not going to let anyone control me, and dictate what I should do. I am free. And I am not going to let anyone take away this freedom from me.

Mag-iisang taon na kami dito sa bahay ng mga magulang ko. "I'm okay, Apollo. Thanks for asking, son." I answered smiling. Inabot ko ang pisngi ng anak ko at dinukwang para masuyong halikan. "Why are you here in my room? You need anything?" He shook his head. "Nothing Mom. I am just checking on you." I know a lot of you will not understand my decision but it's okay. Some may call me selfish and it's also okay. I lived my whole life thinking what other people will say about me and I'm so done with that. It's not wrong to chose yourself and heal.

"Call me that way again and I will kick you ass back home." "Aw, too brutal, but Monique, are you really a tomboy?" The nerve of this creature. "I'm not," I quickly answered. "I doubt that. You dressed up like an uncle..." "Then, I'm a tomboy." I shrugged. I don't really care of what people say to my identity. As long as they don't meddle what I have to do to my life, I don't bother.

Mamumuhay na lang ako mag-isa. Hindi na ako papayag na muli akong masaktan ng dahil sa isang lalaki. Mamahalin ko na lang ang sarili ko, wala naman may alam kung paano ako mahalin ng tama. Hindi ko kailangan ng pagmamahal ng iba! Kaya ko ibigay sa sarili ko ang mga kailangan ko! Hindi ko kailangan ng lalaki sa buhay ko! Isinara ko ang zipper ng luggage ko at lumabas ng kwarto. Magpakalayo-layo na lang ako. Malayo sa lahat. Gusto ko mamuhay mag-isa. Tatayo ako sa sarili kong paa.