I Remember When I Lost My Mind Novels & Stories

Ipinatong ko ang dalawa kong kamay sa kaniyang likod at marahan itong tinapik. “Were you okay when you lost your memory?” He stiffened. It seems like he did not expect that question to come out of my mouth. “It was hard, I had nightmares. I always dream of you but I can’t remember your face. Every time I wake up there was tears in my eyes and I don’t even know why. It was frustrating, I had to keep up with the work in the company, and the enemies I had before I lost my memories was still there.”

Ganun din ang naramdaman niya noong una niyang makita ito. "Did we met before? Alam kong ito ang una nating pagkikita pero mukha ka talagang pamilyar. You see, I've lost some of my memories due to accident years ago. I'm trying to retrieve it but I don't seem to find anything that can trigger my memory back. It's just you, unexpectedly. Baka nagkakilala na tayo noon?" Hindi nakaligtas sa kanyang mapanuring mga mata ang biglaang pagputla ng mukha ng kaharap. Lalo tuloy lumakas ang mga pagdududa niya.

tawag ni Angus sa akin at tinapik ang balikat ko. Napahinga ako ng malalim. Narealize ko na nagtaas ako ng boses. Kahit sa pandinig ko may halong panunumbat ang tono ko. Pilit kong kinalma ang sarili ko. “I hate this feeling of forgetting. Na para bang may jigsaw sa utak ko na kulang ng puzzle piece kaya hindi ko mabuo. Na para bang may alaala akong dapat natatandaan ko pero kahit anong gawin ko hindi ko maalala. I am trying to cope up with this empty feeling. Pero hanggang kailan niyo itatago sa akin ang totoo?” Bumaling ako kay lolo Bartolome. “Ano ang ginawa mo lolo? Did you do something with my mind? Did you alter my memory in a way that made me forget my parents?”

So, don't ever think I need more I've got the one to live for No one else will do, yeah, I'm telling you Just put your heart in my hands I promise it won't get broken We'll never forget this moment Yeah, we'll stay brand-new 'cause I'll love you Over and over again Over and over again...

"That must be the man who took advantage of you when you can't still remember anything, he was your boyfriend for years, and why can't you remember him?" "I don't know. I can remember everything from 2015, but nothing after that, I sounded like crazy. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari, para akong tulog, tapos nagising na lang ako at fast forward na ang lahat sa paligid ko, it's very hard to adjust with these new things, and my twins--they are not with me anymore," Isang malalim na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ko, "I don't know what to do, Lix. I seriously don't know," Hindi sumagot si Kalix, tinignan niya lang ako, “I think, we need to visit a psychiatrist, Zy.”

Habang nag-scroll ako, may isang second lang na parang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Wala namang espesyal sa nakita ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako natigilan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang may gusto akong maalala. Pero wala. Blank. Nilock ko ang phone ko. Enough. If my mind erased something… maybe it was meant to disappear. And if there was someone connected to those missing memories, then she no longer exists in my present. At least… that’s what I keep telling myself.

And I feel perfectly fine Napukaw ng isang makisig na lalaki ang atensyon ko habang kumakanta, hindi ko alam pero mukhang pamilyar siya sa’kin. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bawat liriko ng kinakanta ko dahil sa sakit na ‘di ko maipaliwanag. Gusto kong magwala o sumabog sa sakit pero hindi ko alam kung paano kaya rito na lang sa pagkanta ko ibubuhos ang mga emosyon at mga salitang ‘di ko masabi. But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And it’s 2:00 am and I’m cursing your name

Tahimik ako. May kung anong umuusbong sa loob ko. Hindi ko alam kung instinct iyon o trauma. Sa buong araw na iyon, hindi mawala sa isip ko ang mukha ni Amanda. May piraso ng memorya sa likod ng utak ko na kumikibot. Nang tumingin sa akin si Amanda kanina— parang may sandaling pagkilala sa mga mata niya. Tumayo ako at pumasok sa restroom. Isinara ko ang pinto at hinawakan ang gilid ng lababo. Huminga ako nang malalim.

Bigla na lang ako iiyak lalo na kapag hirap na hirap akong intindihin ang inaaral ko. Kapag nagkakaroon ako ng mental breakdown, bigla na lang babalik ang mga nangyari sa akin. Minsan dinamdam ko pa rin ang pagkamatay ni Mama, ni Andeng, ang pagtulak ko kay Earl, but I would always find a way to be happy. Naaalala ko ang mga bagay na 'yon dahil naging parte iyon ng nakaraan ko. I don't want to dwell on such dreary place.

ELOISE’S POINT OF VIEW I'm still in the hospital, but this time they might send me into a psychiatric ward—which I hope won't happen. I didn't realize it costs me this much to remember a single memory until now. Mas lalong bumigat ang puso ko, mas lalong naging masakit at unti-unting nagigising ang natutulog kong galit.