In My Defense Meaning の小説・ストーリー

"Son, I'm trying my best to defend you." Hinarap ko na siya at tinignan ng makahulugan. "Really, Dad? As far as I can see, it doesn't seem like it. Kung kailan sobrang binababa na nila ako doon ka nagkaroon ng pake. Ni hindi mo'ko maipagtanggol sa harapan nila e. Ganyan ba ang sinasabi mong you're trying your best to defend me, huh?"

balik tanong ko. "Huwag mong ibaling sa akin ang usapan gaga ka," sabi niya naman. "Bakit ka defensive? Sabihin mo nga sa akin, may gusto ka ba sa pinsan mong yun...Kung umasta ka kasi kagabi para na kayong mag jowa," pahayag ko.

Napatingin ako sa kanya saglit, then umiwas din agad ng tingin, parang ayokong makita kung ano yung reaction niya. Hindi siya sumagot agad pero ramdam kong nakatitig siya sa akin. And somehow, that made me even more conscious of what I just said. Parang biglang lumakas yung kaba ko sa dibdib ko, like I was waiting for judgment or disagreement. I swallowed lightly, trying to act normal again. “I mean… hindi naman ako basta nagwala lang. He was clearly wrong. I just… reacted and defended myself.” My voice softened a bit at the end.

Huli na nang nag-iwas ako ng tingin. "You okay there?" his lips curved into a smirk. Tumikhim ako at nag-iwas na talaga ng tingin. "Syempre. At mali ka nang iniisip. Hindi kita tinitingnan," pagtataray ko na tinawanan lang niya. Seryoso, nagmukha lang akong defensive. Paano ba kasi i-deny? "Hmm. If you say so."

agad na saad ko kaya mahina siyang natawa. “Luh? Wala naman akong sinasabi, ah? Defensive ka masyado,” pang-aasar pa niya kaya napangiwi na lang ako. “Kilala na kasi kita, ate. Alam ko na ang tumatakbo sa isip mo!” akusa ko.

Wala akong panahong kilalanin sila. "Baka kayo ang masaktan kung hindi kayo aalis sa dadaanan ko," sagot ko. Kaya kong protektahan ang sarili ko. I don't need anyone to defend me, I can defend myself.

"I even let you defend yourself because I thought it was true!" "Huh?"

“I mean.. sorry to say Renzo ah, I mean sir. Parang ang defensive kasi ng sagutan niyo.” “What do you mean?” “Yung approach nyo po. Dinedefend mo yung sarili mo sa accusations. Ine-explain mo kung bakit hindi ka corrupt. Pero yung problema sa defensive ay nare-remind mo pa lalo sa kanila yung issue. Parang tuwing sasabihin mong hindi ka korap, ang naririnig nila, yung salitang “korap”. Tumigil ako. May point siya.

Dull. Gloomy. Calm. Three words that define what life means to me. I like it low-key. Serene. Peaceful. And I am afraid that someone might grab it away from me. I am not yet ready to face outside the bubble. All my life, I have been living at my comfort zone. It is trembling to know that one day, I might step ahead of my borderline. “Ze! Where are you already?” A shout came across my ears as soon as I tap the answer button for the call.

"Now kung hindi mo kayang gawin? Umalis ka na lang dito sa Hotel. Dahil ayoko nang makitang pakalat-kalat ka dito, maliwanag?" Minsan pala kailangang talagang takpan ng galit ang tunay na nararamdaman. Like they said, a defense mechanism is the only way out to escape, after all. To intact his dignity and pride as a man. Tumayo na siya at handa na sanang umalis ng hindi pa rin nagsalita ang dalaga. Subalit makalipas lang ang ilang saglit...