It Should Have Been Me Novels & Stories

"Ano pang tinatanga-tanga mo diyan?!Bilisan mo na ang pag-aayos!" 1001 1002 1003.... Bilang ko pa sa aking isip para pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Nangako na ako kay Itay na magbabago na ako. Ayaw ko ng maulit pa 'yong dating mga pagkakamali ko. I heaved out a deep sighs. "Wala po akong dalang kahit ano Madam Baby. Wala akong gamit na pang-make up." nakayuko kong sabi sa kanya.

Hindi pwede sa harapan niya. "Kaya wala akong pakialam kung isipin nilang nababaliw na ako for doing such things. Isipin nila ang gusto nilang isipin, basta't hayaan nila ako sa mga gusto kong gawin. If making your memory back means destroying my image... I'll risk it, I'll risk it, Sappy."

This is really it! Ito na yung araw na pinakahihintay ko and at the same time, pinakanakakatakot na araw na sana hindi nalang sumikat. Pero nandito na rin lang ako, itodo ko na! Hindi na ako nag-abala pang sabihan si mommy na magpunta kasi hanggang ngayon eh hindi pa din niya ako kinakausap dahil sa nangyari.

I couldn't help but pity my self. But it's okay, I know I'll be over this somehow. I can manage my self. Just like how I told Manuelito that I can wipe my own tears. Just like how I told Laila that I can manage the business my self. Just like how I told my friends, that I'm okay and will be okay.

Sobrang sakit na marinig ito mula sa kanya. It hurt because I had no excuse. No way to deny that he was right. Masyado akong nag-focus sa sariling hinanakit, sa ibang taong sangkot sa pinagdadaanan ko. Ni hindi ko naisip na maging siya ay naaapektuhan din. I was too lost in the chaos of everything falling apart to notice that, somewhere along the way, I had left him behind. And the worst part? He never asked for much.

Ito ang pinili kong mundo kaya paninindigan ko. Kung kulang pa ang apat na taon para maiparamdam ko sa kanya that I also deserved to be love, handa akong maghintay at magdusa kahit gaano pa ito katagal. Pinilit ko ang sariling kumilos at nang makapagluto. I was about to get up nang maramdaman ang biglaang pagkahilo. "Shit!" Napadaing ako nang makaramdam na parang umiikot na ang paningin ko kaya napaupo ako ulit.

Mag-iisang araw pa lang kaming magkasama, sobra na akong nahihirapan. This is not what I wished for. Should I give him up?

"Because of who I am, and what I have done." I shook my head again. " It's not your fault. You're not responsible for this mess. You're also a victim." Patuloy parin ang pag iyak ko but I smiled at him to show him that what I was saying was true. He just kept staring at me and couldn't seem to get a word to say to me. I'm the same way, I don't know what I should say to make Azithere feel better, he's been through a lot. There is still one thing that dominates and I feel and I am sure of it. I'm very sure of it at.

Pero in fairness, ang sarap pala nito? Why did I even fall into this mess? And it’s only Tuesday — I’ve still got three more days to survive. ******

Hindi naman sila nangungulit pa dahil halata naman na ayaw kong pag-usapan pa. "Naniwala ako sayo noon dahil kaibigan kita. Sobrang hirap ng sitwasyon ko noon, Joan. Nasa hospital si Itay at wala kaming perang ipambabayad. Wala akong ibang maisip na paraan upang maibili si Itay ng gamot noon... Kaya naman lumapit ako sayo..."