Smartass Funny Quotes Novels & Stories

Life’s so unfair, man. “What does a spoon matter when we’re literally stuck in the middle of the woods with invisible monsters, shady, bad men and whatever else creeps around here? Can you please, for once, use your brain and kick some sense in the gear?” He whisper-hisses, so red in the face, he reminds me of a tomato. “You could join a casting for vegetable commercials looking like this,” I remark and laugh at the brilliant joke my brain just reacted. Shit, am I not the funniest guy out there? Look at me - sense of humor, looks, body and an impressive spoon collection, I have it all, damn it. No wonder my little vixen couldn’t deny me.

I asked, "So, Miss. How is it going with the Dark humour guy? Any update so far?" "HA! Dark humour! He's the funniest guy, I've ever met. Didn't you hear that line of him? I mean he called himself motherfucker; oh my, that's the kind of humour I love. Every time he cracks a joke, it makes me head over heels for him. And not forget his awkwardness around girls" the sarcasm was dripping from her mouth. But that changed my mood. And we both started chuckling, "He's not that bad!" I exclaimed. Right? He's not that bad.

“For once, you might be right.” Cassar’s eyes were wide as he started barking out orders to his pack. Cass scooped me into his arms as he started running through he territory. “Well, I’m getting a sense of déjà vu.” I grimaced. Cassar growled. “This isn’t the time for jokes.” “Actually, my coping mechanism is through humour.” I chuckled with a wheeze. “Humour and murder.” Cassar glared as he ran faster. “Oh you’re just mad because if I die, you die.”

I said calmly, my voice laced with genuine apology. "Ah, we're used to that from you!" someone in the crowd quipped, prompting a burst of laughter at my expense. I shot back, "Yeah, that's because I'm an ass!" - a retort that only seemed to amuse them further. Realizing I'd said too much, I hastily grabbed my jacket from the bartender's counter and made a swift exit, slamming the wooden door behind me. The door's cheerful Christmas bell above it seemed jarringly out of place as I emerged into the bright sunlight, which hit me like a slap in the face.

The cashier is currently wrapping the purchases. "Well, this is what they call little happiness. Gosh! You, you're abnormal. Everyone our age is crazy about W*****d, but you? Jusko, where are your sweet bones, your thrilling flesh? Are you gone?" This is a sarcastic question to me. It's good to fight.

Well, I fucking opened myself up to that one. “As a solution to a problem I in part caused,” I say emotionlessly. “I’m going to assume by the vague answer, you don’t wish to discuss it.” “You’re very astute for a human,” I commend her. Her face slips into an emotionless mask, “Yes, we mere mortals are quite astute. We’ve also mastered fire and invented the wheel,” she says sarcastically. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit you know.” “At least one of us has some,” she says, taking another sip of her drink.

I teased,trying so hard not to laugh when I saw that her right cheek was also covered in mud No,she looked so adorable that I wanted to poke those cheeks But that was like digging my own grave.. "Ha ha! Very funny Anushka"She rolled her eyes annoyingly and I simply couldn't hold the laugh anymore ,so barked out "Yeah ,laugh at me all you want ,I look ridiculous I know" "No... you look..so adorable...and cute" I breathed hard ,my back backed flat against the pillar as I continued to laugh at my boss..This was very good for a change

Gross! "Fine. Take all the time you need, princess" she mocked. Why is she mocking me? I have the good sense to turn around, enter my car and just…yes! Finally, I got the right speech. "Well, life is not fair, Aniston and unfair things happen to people all the time. But we don't throw in the towel. Instead we suck it up and keep pushing" I clenched my fist in solidarity. Aniston narrowed her eyes on me. "Did you seriously just quote Coach Richardson from that movie 'boys on fire'? How dumb do you think I am?"

Sarcasm evident in my words *Just hurry up* *Fine* I replied and as I was about to keep my phone back into its rightful place I bumped into someone and my hot cocoa slipped from my hand unto the floor "We have to stop meeting like this cupcake" Only one human being in the world called me that. "Sorry about your hot cocoa though. At least it didn't spill all over your shirt" he said with an amused look on his charming face. Maybe if I ignore him he'll go away

Ami’s eyes clouded over but she bravely pushed the emotion back and said gaily, “Hah, who needs forgetting? I will not waste my energy crying over someone… or something.” “Aptly said Ma’am”, a handsome American said over his shoulder. Mabel and Ami looked at each other and laughed. “ What is so funny, my lovely darlings,” answered the gentleman. “Ahm, firstly Mr. Whoever, we are not your darlings, and secondly, don’t you know it is rude to butt in between conversations?”, said Ami.