Regretting Novels & Stories

Kita ko kung paano nawala ang mga emosyong nakita ko kanina at napalitan ito ng blanko. "What do you mean?" "Don't... don't do that," I whispered. Inangat ko ang magkahawak naming mga kamay. Humigpit ang hawak ko rito. "You're still in the process of remembering and gathering the memories you forgot after the crash. Y-you might regret this decision of yours once you gained your memories back." "What do you mean?" His brows furrowed.

Guminhawa ang pakiramdam ko dahil sa wakas nasabi ko na rin ang matagal ko ng tinatago. "I'm so sorry, ayan ang isa sa pagkakamali kong nagawa. Hindi ko na kasi makontrol ang isip ko. I'm so damn lost that time. Hindi ko rin maalala ang mga sinagot ko noon sa mga reporters. Sobrang nagsisi na ako sa nagawa kong iyon, regret that I'm with Greene that night," marahan nitong hinaplos ang mukha ko.

Siya naman ang nag tanong dito at sa Hindi maipaliwanag ay kinakabahan siya sa isasagot nito sa kaniya. "I regret."

Uuwi ako sa loob ng dalawang araw. Kakapindot lang niya ng send nang muling mag-vibrate ang cellphone. Mensahe iyon mula kay Marco. [ Reina, kumusta ka? Malubha ba ang sugat mo kagabi? Pupuntahan kita mamaya. Ano ang gusto mong kainin? Dadalhan kita. ]

Umigting ang panga ko habang pinagmamasdan ang espasyo ng balkonahe niya. I have my regrets. I don't know how many, but I lose count. At least, this is the best that I could do before walking away again. I want to walk in peace just in case. . . At least I have tried. If it's not meant to be, then it is not. I'm easy.

"Sarina my sister, please, do it for me. Promise, hindi na mauulit. Hmm?" I rolled my eyes as if she can see me. How can I say no? Nandito na rin naman ako, ituloy-tuloy ko na—pero nakakapagod na talaga. Regrets are always in the end, but I can make my regrets worth it . . . as I enjoy my sin while it lasts.

Mapait ang ngiting kinuha niya sa kamay ko ang susi. "Okay, baka kasi kasalanan mo pa kung mapano ako. Tsaka kapagod na rin maglakad pauwi. Salamat." I heard my car going away but I didn't move. I can also hear the ringing of my phone but I didn't answer it. Something is telling me that I've made the worst decision of my life. That I'm gonna regret it. That's the thing with my life. I always regret doing this and that. The only decision I didn't have any regret is when I pursued Xylca but I pushed her away now and I'm sure I'm gonna regret it forever.

"I regret not seeing her grow up." There was sadness in her voice. "I remember her as the sweet kid she was. She always listens to me. She's a lovely child, but I left her. It was out of my control and I regret not doing anything to be back in her life." "Alam kong nahirapan siya habang lumalaki. I wanted to go back to them but fear got into me. But I regret it so much, Zandrey. I regret not going back to her when I had the chance. Kasalanan ko... Kasalanan ko kung bakit ganyan siya. Kung bakit mahirap sa kanya ang magpatawad. It was all my fault... i left her. I hurt her first before anyone else..."

Punong-puno ng kahihiyan at guilt ang mga mata nito pero hindi nun maibsan ang nararamdaman kong sakit. "I'm sorry, I made a mistake and I regretted it more than you know, that's why I did it once and never did it again." "Dapat ko bang ipagpasalamat na isang beses mo lang siyang ginalaw at hindi mo na inulit?" "No baby, sobra kong pinagsisihan na ginawa ko yung bagay na yun kung maibabalik ko lang ang panahon."

Hindi ako umatras. Kahit sobrang lapit na niya. Kahit ramdam ko na yung bigat ng presensya niya. “Then maybe you stopped looking for better ones.” Doon siya natahimik. Mas matagal kaysa dati. At doon ko nakita ulit yung crack. Yung parte niya na pilit niyang tinatago. Pagod. Regret. At isang bagay na ayaw niyang aminin kahit sa sarili niya.