Actually I Was There Alone Novels & Stories

Ibig sabihin sya yung humila nito. Marahas kong hinawi ang kamay mula sa bag ko, “Lunch. Alone.” Matigas na sabi ko at nag-umpisa nang magmartsa. Talaga tinigasan ko ang salitang ‘alone’ para maintindihan n’yang gusto kong mag-isa.

Mapapangiti ka na lang talaga ng todo. Inabot parin kami ng isang oras sa byahe papunta roon. Tagong-tago ang lugar pero ang ganda din naman. Walang ibang costumer nang dumating kami kaya sobrang tahimik at solo namin ang nag-iisang mahabang lamesa. Iyon lang talaga ang naroon.

kumibit-balikat ako bago muling pinagmasdan ang kalangitan. “Alone?” May nahihimigan ako sa tono ng boses niya kaya mabilis akong lumingon sa kaniya at nginitian siya para mawala ang pagkakakunot ng kaniyang nuo. “Yeah, alone,” bigla naman siyang ngumisi bago isiniksik ang sarili sa katawan ko na ikinatawa ko naman. “Well, from now on, you won’t be alone anymore. I won’t let you do this kind of stuff alone,” he genuinely said that makes my heart beats so loud and I know he heard it.

Nakakabaliw. I closed my eyes and breathed heavily. On these moments of my life, I'm always alone. Sanay na naman ako. Bata pa lamang ako ganoon na eh. I'll always be alone, coping up with life's shits. No one would stay with me, when they found out who really I was. Even I, I don't know myself. That's why most of the times, I would stay cheerful, playful and energetic like the world doesn't fuck me.

Thus, I did scuba diving alone. Not taking into consideration how the team would react from not seeing me here after the activity, I jumped into the sea. I did it without even wearing a mask and a life vest. I didn’t have my phone with me, so there was no way of telling them. And speaking of my phone, I remembered that Angelo could have called me when I was away this morning—another reason for me to go back to the resort as fast as I could.

para naman ring hindi illegal ang ginagawa niya. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad at may ibang tao rin na nakakakilala sa akin na hindi ko naman kilala. Kaya hinayaan ko sila na batiin ako at syempre ang walang emosyon ang mukha. Nagtataka rin sila kung bakit may kasama ako na bago sa kanilang paningin. Everytime we're I am here I was alone. Binabati lang nila ako at walang nagtatangkang lumapit sa akin dahil alam na nila ang mangyayare.

He was giving all his focus unto it, and my heart is melting at his tiny actions. Parang noong isang araw lang ay panay ako iyak. I can be strong in front of other people, but I’m weak when I’m alone. Dahil sa mga panahong mag-isa ako -- doon lang, alam kong walang mag-iisip ng masama tungkol sa akin. Kapag mag-isa ako ay napapanatag ako ng sobra. This is my first time being at peace even when someone is with me.

"Seryoso ka ba?! I mean, p-papunta ka na talaga rito?!" I was really alone today. Nagpaalam kasi si Mama na may pupuntahan daw, habang ang dalawa kong kapatid naman ay nasa klase pa. And Immanuel called, kinakamusta lang naman ang lagay ko. But I'm just shocked knowingly he's going here and knowingly that he's not joking around.

Agad akong napapikit nang makatanggap ako ng sampal mula dito. Nakangising humarap lang ako na para bang walang nangyari. “I'll go ahead.” ani ko bago naglakad paakyat sa second floor. Kaibigan? Tss that's nonsense. I don't think na magkakaroon pa ako n’yan. Ako na mahirap pakisamahan at puro hanap ay gulo? Nah, never. I deserved to be alone. —

The wind rustled the trees and for a moment, the only sound was the distant crashing of waves. I followed him. “Ilang beses na, Kalix,” I said, sitting across from him. “Ilang beses mo nang iniisip na kaya mo lahat mag-isa.” “I had to do it alone. Kasi kung sinabi ko agad sayo at may nangyaring masama, hindi ko kakayanin.” “Pero hindi mo na-realize na mas masakit sa’kin ‘yung pinagtataguan mo ako. Yung parang—parang may pader sa pagitan natin at ako lang ang hindi aware.”