Novel & Cerita I Am Not Okay With This

"Is it okay if I go there?" Muli akong napaisip. Okay lang naman siguro? It's not as if we're gonna do something. Shocks. Saglit akong napapikit. My head is suddenly bringing me somewhere else. We're not going to do something! I just really want to see him! I tried to shake off the crazy idea that had come into my mind earlier. "Yes, of course." "Okay," he replied. "I'll be there in a while." "Okay."

Isang simpleng lunch lang naman ang iniaalok niya, pero bakit parang may kung anong kaba na nagpapabilis ng tibok ng dibdib ko? Napansin ni Conor ang aking sandaling pag-aalinlangan at ang hindi ko agad pagsagot. Lumambot nang husto ang kaniyang ekspresyon. "If you're uncomfortable with the idea... we can cancel it, Krystal."

Natatakot ako na baka makagawa na naman ako ng desisyon na sa huli ay hindi ko kayang panindigan. "Kung nasasaktan kita ngayon, I'm sorry Grantt. But please, let me breath first? I'll live well after I conquer this pain. Don't ask me to understand you when I don't at all. Let just be honest with what we are feeling right now."

wala siya maisip na isasagot. Napahigpit ang hawak ni Amara sa kumot. Tahimik ulit. Pero hindi ito yung komportableng katahimikan. Ito yung katahimikan na puno ng tension. “You okay?” tanong ni Ethan. Tumango siya agad. “Yes… I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine.” Napatingin siya dito. “I’m just… not used to this.” “To what?” “Everything.”

I didn't know that it hurts so bad. I'm not ready for this pain... F*ck!

Kahit mukha na akong tanga rito ay hindi ko pa rin mapigilan. Damn. I'm such a crybaby!

With someone I don’t even care to know. Fucking life.

But I already accept this is the reality , how can i trusted by someone if I don't trust myself. -Jandy-

With my clouded mind right now, I don't know which is which anymore. All I know is that I'm not okay. I feel so bad. I know that this doesn't give me the right to point fingers at anybody but.. Is it atleast okay not to feel okay for now? I badly need the validation that it's fine. That it is okay not to feel okay. That I don't have to feel okay all the time. Can I.. atleast have that?

I can do whatever I want but since I still have mercy and consideration, hindi ko sya lulumpuhin o gigilitan ng leeg. "I don't want this, ayoko na maulit pa ito. At sana nag-kakaintindihan tayong lahat," I said in low growl, wala ako sa mood para maging mabait, nasira na ang mood ko tapos ko makita kung papaano nila pahirapan si papi.