ท่านแม่เซียนหมอ: วันนี้เสด็จพ่อสำนึกผิดหรือยัง

“United Airlines flight AA648 to Chicago is now ready for boarding,” that's my cue to stand up from the airport bench to board an aircraft. I keep on wiping my tears as I can't control them.

I’m in so much pain as I’m about to leave New York because it's the only choice left in me. One of the hardest decisions in my life and I believe I’m doing this for his betterment.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things in life that cannot be, no matter how much you fight for them.

I’m totally drunk of love and happiness when I’m with him, but there are things in the world that are not meant for me. I don’t want to wear myself out, I will not force myself to fit in his world - it’s not my thing.

Yes, it’s harder to stop when you know he’s everything you’ve always wanted. But as they say, that the only way to stop hurting is to stop wanting, and the only way to stop wanting is to start accepting that the things we yearn so much to have, could be the very things that we could never have.

In this darkest hour, I can only face enduring my sorrow. I know that later on, I will find a way to understand my pain. I never worry that there is no hope for my future.

Queuing to enter the cabin, I take a deep breath because my heart palpitation increases with all the chaotic feelings I have. I don't want to cry but I can't hold my tears to fall. My heart is broken into million pieces.

Sitting on the window seat, I turn my head to see the outside. I don't know when I'm able to come back but I hope when I could, there will be no pain of a broken heart anymore. No matter how I refrain to think about him, I know that he will forever have a special place in my heart.

"Good day ladies and gentlemen, this is your United Airlines flight from New York to Chicago," the announcement inside the cabin has started and anytime soon we'll about to take off.

When the aircraft started to move, my chest pain arises too like I'm having an abnormal heart rhythm and I feel like my stomach churning with diarrhea as well as difficulty in breathing. These feelings are eating me alive and getting me insane at the same time.

"Cabin crew, please take your seat for take-off," and there you go, in a few hours, I'll be starting a new life in Chicago. I hope to recover soon and never feel this rotten feeling anymore, but I know that it will be hard to do so. 

I just want to wish him all the best this life has to offer. I will be happy to see him from afar, as he celebrates his success. I will be forever grateful that once in my life, I experienced that kind of love from him. A love that forever engraved in my heart, no matter what. 

"I love you so much Marco, that I chose to let go, to give you the world that you deserve".