Novel & Cerita I Decided To Live As Me

Wala na akong control sa magiging buhay ko. “Sana dumating yung time na kaya mo ng ilaban yung sarili mong buhay. Yung mag-stand up ka sa decisions mo at papanindigan mo ang sarili mong buhay na walang kahit ano’ng utos nila,” nakangiting sabi ni Lianne sa akin.

Ipinaglaban niya pa rin ito alang alang sa magiging anak nila. "H-Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan kung bakit ko piniling itago iyong totoong identity ko, eh. All my life, people only befriend me because of who I am as a popular figure and only because of what I have. Money, influence... Ni minsan, hindi ko naramdaman na nagustuhan ako ng tao dahil lang sa kung ano talaga ako. K-Kaya noong nasa isla ako, pinili ko na mamuhay sa paraang gusto ko. I chose to be who I want myself to be. K-Kaya iyong simple at ordinaryong Ezaiyah na nakilala mo noon sa Isla Amore, i-iyon talaga ako. K-Kaya hindi iyon pagkukunwari---"

And I prefer to look dreadful, not exposing my identity so much, so no one could dare to use me again for their self-benefit. Again, I didn't change. I just grew up fearless and comprehend my self-worth.

It's not. I was never okay with belittling. Hindi kailanman naging maayos sa akin ang tingnan ng mababa, ayaw ko ng ganoon. I don't want people to see me low, even if I'm not up high. I just want to be seen… as a regular and normal person. Living, and having the best time of life without needing to be ashamed of what people might think about me. I have always wanted to be free. From… judgement and all that matters.

Hindi ba pwedeng hayaan na lang nila ako? "I am fine..." I said as if I am convincing myself. Whatever they said to me... it doesn't matter anymore. I am not going to let anyone control me, and dictate what I should do. I am free. And I am not going to let anyone take away this freedom from me.

Oras na para bumalik ka sa normal mong buhay. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang desisyong ginagawa ko. Pero sa mga nangyari sa buhay ko at mga katotohanang nalaman ko, napag-isip-isip ko na maikli lang ang buhay para problemahin ang mga problemang hindi pa naman dumadating. In order to move forward, I need to be comfortable and be happy with my life; with my career, with my child.

He was just being crazy again. "You’ve lived like a normal person there. You’ve worked as a normal employee, earning a salary and spending it on yourself even though you have many businesses left here." That’s the purpose. That’s why I came here to test myself. I want to live a normal life, just like what Aurora wants. I am fixing myself, and as planned, I will leave everything behind when I am no longer on Philippine soil. "If you could just see yourself through my eyes, you’d be proud—"

Nakayanan ko ngang mabuhay mag-isa noon ngayon pa bang may anghel na akong nakatingin sa akin? Lola if you are watching right now, I want you to know that I love you so much. I promise that I will continue to live the life that I wanted. From now on, I will do whatever I want not because I'm a spoiled brat but because this is what I want and this is what I deserve. From now on I will start loving myself and I will find my happiness. i will keep fighting Lola, that's a promise.

Hindi ko kailangan na mabuhay sa ekspektayson sa akin ng lahat dahil ako naman ang may katawan kaya dapat ako ang gagawa ng desisyon ko sa buhay na hindi iniisip ang sinasabi ng ibang tao sa paligid. Si Kendryk at Katherine ang buhay ko at sila ang gagawin kong inspirasyon para mabuhay sa mundo at hindi ang ibang tao. Nang matapos kong magpalit ng damit na siguro ay dinala kanina ni mom at dad ay agad akong tumabi ng higa kay Katherine dahil malaki naman ang kama na ito para sa aming dalawa bago hinayaan ang sarili na makatulog ng mahimbing.

"Sumuway ka na naman sa gusto nila. Magtatampo mga 'yun sa 'yo." Tumingin ako rito. "Iris, pagod na akong sundin na lang sila palagi. Gusto kong huminga na wala muna sila sa paligid ko." "What?" Kumunot ang noo nito. "Hindi naman siguro masama na hingin ko sa kanila ang kalayaan ko, diba?" Umiling ito. "I want to live with my own decision-making." "Hala, ngayon ka pa ba magkakaganyan?"