So Close Yet So Far Novels & Stories

KABANATA 48 :: IN LOVE Life is such a mess, and shit things happen almost everytime. We are sleeping in the same room but I felt like there's a wall between us. We are often together but he seems far away. Or maybe, it was me. Because no matter how hard I tried. I can't act nor think the same.

That word— Yet. It sits between us like a warning. He’s close now. Too close. I can feel his heat. The tension in his body. The control he’s holding onto. “You keep choosing distance,” he says softly. “I choose control,” I reply. “And what happens when control becomes the only thing you trust?” I don’t answer. Because I don’t have one. Or maybe I do— And I don’t want to say it out loud. My pulse is faster now. Not panic. Not fear.

I cleared my throat before I answered, "Yes. Dine in." Bumaling si Pierce sa lalaking nasa counter. "You heard her." Muli akong napatitig sa aking asawa. Parang may kumurot sa aking dibdib. Sa pinakaunang pagkakataon, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang salitang 'so near yet so far'. Sobrang lapit ng katawan naming dalawa ngunit pakiramdam ko ay sobrang layo niya. So far that I couldn't reach him.

“Tayong dalawa lamang ang nandito, eh. Sobrang lapit ko naman sa ‘yo.” “Mas maganda na ‘to kaysa sobrang layo mo.” “Hindi naman sobrang layo, ah.” kung alam mo lang ang nararamdaman ko ngayon, Ken. Kung alam mo lang! “You know what, I have this feeling that you’re too close to me yet so far.” he breathed again. “Basta diyan ka Lang. Ganyan ka lang dapat kalayo at kalapit sa ‘kin.”

" [ Dito lang.. Lalapit nalang ako, kapag di na busy ] ," " [ I miss you baby.. Come here, sit beside me.. ] ," " [ I'd love to, pero masyadong marami pang tao, and yung mga paparazzi is just around the corner. ] ," " [ Don't mind them. Come here na please.. ] ," " [ In a bit.. I just want you to know na nakikita kita, kaya wag kang magkakamali ng galaw dyan ] ,"

Napatingala ako saka sinalubong ang kulay berde niyang mga mata. "Why are you hiding? Pwede mo naman na akong lapitan." Napailing-iling lang naman ako. "You seems so far," tila hangin lang na lumabas iyon sa bibig ko. It's true. Why I have this feeling that even he is too near from me, he is too far to reach? It's like he is so near yet so far. Para bang may pader na naghihiwalay sa aming dalawa. Hanggang sa tumabi siya sa akin saka nagpamulsa.

Kahit pa may naiisip na akong dahilan. "Next time, let's try not to be so close. We need a distance or else I'll lose my damn control," aniya.

Dahan-dahan itong sumandal sa upuan bago mahinahong nagpaliwanag. “It’s that feeling... na para kang kinikiliti at inaasar. You want to get closer, but don’t know how. You want to pull away, but you can't quite let go.” Saglit itong tumigil bago idinagdag, “In short... It’s an incredibly frustrating feeling.”

malungkot niyang sabi. "sorry, yam hindi lahat ng lumalayo may iba na, minsan lumalayo lang sila dahil napapalapit kana sa iba. Akala ko kasi wala nakong halaga sayo eh. Umalis lang ako saglit nalaman ko ng close na kayo kaya di nako umuwi agad."pag amin ko.

Kwento niya sa babae, " wala na nga akong mahanap na pagkakataon para makausap siya e." "Anong ibig mong sabihin na hindi ka nakakahanap ng pagkakataon e halos ilang kwarto lang ang layo nyo sa isa't-isa. Ano yan so close yet so far ang peg nyo?" Natatawang sabi nito pero tumango si Philip. Tama naman ang salitang ginamit nito, napaka lapit nito pero hindi pa rin niya maabot o malapitan man lang.