Always Remembering Novels & Stories

That is, until someone or something triggers a long-forgotten feeling, touch, or smell, bringing the memory back to life. I've been having high-level anxiety for a long now, sometimes for no apparent reason. In my daily life, I've been suffering from forgetfulness, unable to remember or recollect even the most basic of events. I've never been able to meet new people or date for that matter. Idagdag pa ang palagi kong napapaginipang babae. Hindi ko siya matandaan, hindi ko maalala ang presensya niya sa buhay ko. Totoo ba talaga siya? O pawang panaginip nalang talaga?

Panenermon ko sa sarili ko. Kahit ilang beses kong kalimutan ang nangyari na 'yon, paulit-ulit siyang bumabalik sa isip ko. Manghahatinggabi na pero hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw ng antok. Kahit gustong-gusto kong lumabas para uminom ng tubig ay hindi ko magawa dahil baka magising siya't magkatitigan na naman kami. Argh!

Kailangan ko ng sagot. Saglit siyang natahimik. Then lumapit siya. Dahan-dahan. Hindi pilit. Hindi agresibo. Pero sapat para maramdaman ko yung presensya niya. “I don’t remember everything.” Diretso. Masakit. Pero hindi ako nagulat. Alam ko na ‘yon. Narinig ko na ‘yon. Paulit-ulit. “Tama ka, hindi pa kita maalala”

"Won't you tell her about that incident?" Natigilan siya. Kanina lang ay iniisip niya iyon pero hindi pumasok sa kanya ang ikuwento ito kay Lexie. Pero ngayon na tinanong siya ng kaibigan ay hindi niya malaman kung ano ang isasagot. "I—I really don't remember some pieces of that incident. Even her face and their names— you know human memory is strange. Your brain will shut down the bad memories as a defense mechanism to protect your fear. And it will let you forget something terrible that happened. Lahat sila, may nakakalimutan katulad na lang ‘yung may nangyari kahapon or kanina lang. Pero ako ang pangalan nila. Dahil estranghero sila na nakilala ko noon at nagpakilala lang at sinabi ang pa

I shook my head for the ninth time and tried to focus my attention on my laptop, but I still can't. Namamalayan ko na lang ang sarili kong nakatulala then the cycle repeats. I won't be able to focus my attention in this activity I'm doing as long as Jam's image keeps appearing in my head. I still can't forget how she looked at me genuinely.

I can still remember until now mhiya scent it's smell like vanilla milk. Why the hell do I remember something like that? I’ve stood next to women wearing designer perfumes that cost more than my suits — and I forget them instantly. But this? Her scent burned into my senses. Like my body remembered it even after I forced my mind to forget. I clenched my jaw. This can’t happen. I won’t let it. That goddamn vanilla and milk was still stuck in my head. “Lorenzo!” I blinked fast. A voice snapped me back to the table.

“But why the f*ck can’t you remember me? Hindi ko maintindihan. I never lose you in my mind the day I meet you.” Matagal-tagal umikot sa pag-iisip ni Law si Maxine sa matagal na panahon. At dahil ngayon ngang na hanap na niya ito. Hindi na siya magdadalawang isip na ipaalam sa kanya ang lahat.

“Oo nga pala… bakit hindi ko nakita ang akin dyan? Naging kliyente mo rin naman ako, ‘di ba?” “Hmm? Oh, I kept it in my own drawer,” sagot niya. Napataas ang mga kilay ko. “Bakit?” Nagkibit-balikat lamang siya. “Remembrance.” “Remembrance for what? Para maalala mong naging kriminal for once ang asawa mo?” Umiling siya saka ngumisi. “It’s a reminder to me of how we first met. Of how far we’ve come together. Fascinating, right?”

Siguro ay dahil sa antok. Inihilamos niya ang palad sa mukha. Nanaginip na naman siya. Palagi siyang nananaginip. Kaya lang, kapag nagigising na siya sa umaga ay nakakalimutan na niya ang panaginip na iyon. Hindi na niya matandaan. Pero kahit hindi niya matandaan ay sigurado siya na pare-pareho lang ang nangyayari sa panaginip niya. Somehow, it felt that way. Her life was just like that. A constant search for something she can only be fulfilled in a dream that she couldn't even remember.

Malaking parte ang gusto kong bumalik. What should I do to gain my memories back?