My Dearest Self With Malice Aforethought Novels & Stories

I'm not a bad person,pero bakit pakiramdam ko ang sama-sama kong tao. Gusto ko lang namang isipin muna ang sarili ko.gusto kong kumawala sa sakit pero bakit nangyayari to! This is the first time I become selfish after how many years of being selfless.ngayon ko lang inisip ang sarili ko! Ngayon lang ako humangad ng para saakin pero bakit paulit ulit pinapaalalang wala akong karapatang unahin muna ang nararamdaman ko!

malumanay na sabi ko. malalim niya akong tinitigan ngunit hindi siya sumagot. inayos ko ang paglilinis ng sugat niya. sinigurado ko na malinis iyon. "i don't want to go back just like before, i don't want to be alone in the dark. don't leave me, as long as you loved me i will stay. i will do whatever you want me to do." sinandal ko ang ulo sa dibdib niya. "don't do evil things, it makes me mad. have you heard about good and bad karma? if you do something good, you will recieve a good karma. if you do something bad you will receive a bad karma."

Tipid akong ngumiti saka pinagpatuloy ang sinasabi ko. “But I met you. I can’t imagine how hard your life had been. Because of desperation to save your brother, you need to taint yourself, you need to do whatever he order you to do. Pero hindi ka naman pumatay ng inosenteng tao, ‘di ba? The world is cruel, and so are people. Lahat tayo nakakagawa ng kasalanan, lahat tayo nakakagawa ng maling desisyon. But what matter is the lesson we learned from that mistake.” I caressed his hand with my thumb. “Pinagsisihan mo naman, ‘di ba?”

“I can’t bear to see you happy with someone else... other than me.” Napatawa ako, bakas ang pait. How selfish! How toxic! Paano ko ituturo sa sarili kong mahalin ang ganitong klaseng lalaki? Paano ako mananatili sa ganitong klaseng relasyon? “Then don’t hesitate to kill me!” walang alinlangang hiyaw ko. “Do you think—I’m afraid to die?! If I made a mistake—if I allowed myself to fall for Marcus’s temptation then fúcking kill me!”

Napatawa ako ngunit malamig ang tunog noon. Parang basag na salamin. "Inisip kitang totoong kaibigan. I used to admire you." Napailing ako habang nakatingin sa kaniya. "But it turns out I was admiring evil from the very start." Hindi man lang nagbago ang ekspresyon niya. "I'm selfish, Ava." Iyon lang. Parang wala siyang pagsisisi. Parang wala siyang pinanghahawakan.

sagot ko, malamig, “the only reason you can’t reach me… is because I stopped kneeling.” Nag-blink siya. Mabilis. Para bang tinamaan. “I deserved that,” sabi niya, mahina. “Alam ko. I was stupid. I was careless. I was—” “Cruel,” dagdag ko, walang pag-aalinlangan. “Selfish.” “Coward.” “Manipulator.” Napayuko siya. Iyon ang unang beses na nakita ko siyang gano’n—para siyang binabarena ng sariling konsensiya.

hay mo at maging ang buhay ng taong minamahal mo dahil sa pagiging makasarili mo. Love shouldn’t be selfish, John and you of all people should know that. You should know that because all your life you were given an unselfish and an unconditional love.” “Love will either make us or break us. And in your case, love broke you. Ayusin mo ang sarili mo, John dahil hindi ganiyan ang pagkakakilala ko sa iyo. I’m sorry kung hindi kita kailanman magagawang mahalin. Open up your eyes. May isang babaeng itinakda para sa iyo. You just need to wait, linger and atone for all your sins and let love find you and not the other way around. Goodbye, John. I’m really sorry that I had to do this to you, that I h

Napakasarap pakinggan ng mga tawa niya na wari moy kinikiliti ang puso ko. “I’m worried that time when I saw you lying on the ground, gusto kitang lapitan that time, para sana itakbo sa hospital. But sad to say, wala akong magawa dahil mas malala pala ang tinamo kong pinsala. And I’m so happy ng sa pagmulat ng aking mga mata ay ang mukha mo ang unang nasilayan ko. But I got mad ng makita ko ang determinasyon sa mukha mo na umalis sa mansion na ito para iwan ako. But later on, I realized na ako pala ang mali. I’ll become a selfish, nakalimutan ko ang age gap natin. You’re still nineteen that time and I’m thirty, how did I become cruel to this young woman?”

Pareho ba kaming tumakas kasi ayaw naming matali sa responsibilidad na nakatakda sa amin? "It's just that I don't want to be part of it. I don't want to tie myself with it and let fate rule over my life. I hid myself here to protect my inner peace. This makes sense now that another term for being selfish is putting your self-peace first before anything else..." She smiled sadly.

"And the worst part is, I trusted them. I gave them everything." There was a period of silence between us. Then he spoke. "You deserve better than that, you know." Ang salita niya ay simple lang pero, na appreciate ko iyon. Tiningnan ko siya nang mabuti at masasabi kong ang swerte ko pala dahil sinusundan ako ng gwapong katulad niya. I don't mind seeing his peklat, gwapo pa rin siya. I wanted to slap my face. Bakit ba sa ganitong sitwasyon pa ako nagpa apekto ng mukha ng iba? You're heartbroken, Shivani! Remember that!