Sad Thoughts 소설 & 이야기

Nag-iwas ito ng tingin at pinipigilan ang mga luha na tumulo. "I'm very sorry again, Sadie. I know I've been a bad mother to you. I feel so sorry that this happened. I'm such a fool to realize it too late. Babawi ako. Can I do that?" She wiped my tears and caressed my cheek with his thumb.

Tears that flowed endlessly, a relentless stream of sorrow that seemed to have no end. The world felt like it had tilted on its axis, the ground shifting beneath my feet. Lahat na lang ba talaga ng mahalaga sa akin at mahal ko, nakatakdang mawala sa akin? My carefully constructed plans for revenge, for justice, seemed insignificant, meaningless, in the face of this great loss. The anger towards Niccolo, towards Ayi Hana, towards Margaret, towards Monica—it all seemed muted, distant, almost irrelevant. There was only the pain, the overwhelming, suffocating pain of loss.

Seems like this night is one of the many sleepless nights I need to deal with again. My thoughts are far, turbulent and I don't know. I can't explain what I am really feeling. I feel like my head is going to explode. My heart is getting numb and I just want to close my eyes, forget everything. The pain, the sadness and that grief of having someone yet you don't know them at all. Nandidito pa si Miguel pero pakiramdam ko ang layo-layo na n'ya sa'kin.

malungkot at senserong turan niya. “No. Hindi kaabalahan ang pumarito couz, I just feel sad na sa ganitong pagkakataon tayo muling nagkita. Hindi nga rin ako nakapunta noong namatay ang mama mo, tapos ngayon hindi ko man lang nasilayan si Tito bago siya—”she croaked, kaagad nag–init ang sulok ng mga mata. “I’m sorry Danna. I’m really sorry for your lost,” tuluyan na itong bumigay.

I don't know what to say dahil habang nananatili siya sa aming mundo ay paulit-ulit na mangyayari ang nangyari kanina. "Just kill me already!", malamig nitong sabi kasabay ng pag-angat niya ng tingin sa akin. All I can see is pain, regret, anger and sadness. I just stared at him dahil wala akong maitutulong upang pagaanin ang kaniyang loob pagkatapos ng naganap kanina. -------------------------------------------------------------------- *Flashback*

Ang dami kong iniisip at problema at hindi ako makapaniwala na sumagi pa talaga sa isipan ko ang lalaking yun. Hindi ko akalaing mag tetext siya ng ganun samantalang kanina lang ay may kahalikan siya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nasasaktan. Hindi ko dapat ito nararamdaman. Darating ang araw na mawawala ako sa mundong ito, darating ang araw na amg lahat ng ito ay iiwanan ko. Why I felt suddenly so sad. It's that what I want right? To die is my purpose in this world. Alam kong ang lahat ay sa kamatayan ang bagsak pero iba ang sa akin dahil mamatay ako ng mabilis, no sweat.

Maya-maya ay naiyak nalang sa sama ng loob si Selene. “I feel so awful. Napakasama Kong kaibigan dahil pinag isipan kita ng masama. I’m sorry, Bes.” Umiiyak na Saad nito. Pati si Lucil ay umiiyak na lumapit sa kanya at niyakap siya. “Sorry din Kasi nagkaroon ka ng dahilan para pagselosan Ako. Hayaan mo iiwasan ko nalang si kuya Wilden para Hindi ka na magselos.”

“Wait, magkaibigan kayong tatlo hindi ba. Dapat maging masaya ka para sa kanila.” “True, masaya ako para sa kanila. Malungkot ako para sa sarili ko. Anyway, don’t tell Maddie. I just need someone to talk to. Buti na lang nakita kita dito. Higit kaninuman, ikaw ang makakaintindi sa nararamdaman ko.” “Oo naman. Cheers!” Itinaas niya ang basong may alak. “Let’s drink to our heartbreak! Cheers to more sad days!” sagot ni Kaye. Lasing na talaga ang babae. She’s crying and laughing at the same time.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink I could be the man who grows old with you I smile sadly as I ended my favorite song. Hindi naman talaga ako super sad today. Wala lang, it's just that I feel so sentimental when I woke up this morning. It's been week since that incident in his office. At first, I feel so sad that I won't be able to see him again but eventually naging okay din naman ako. Sabi nga nila wala namang permanente sa mundong ito so , this pain that I'm feeling right now, mawawala din ito.

i added with sobs. Napaluhod ako at patuloy na hinihimas ang lapida ng aking anak. I drowned myself in this sorrow, sadness and pain until the pain turn numb. I drowned myself in my tears until they completely drained. Gustohin ko magpakatatag pero saan ako huhugot ng lakas? Bakit sa kabila nangyayari sa buhay ko bakit nanatiling nakatayo pa rin ako sa mundong ito.