Novel & Cerita Somewhere In My Past

The fabric is high quality and I think this is very durable. I look at the mirror. I miss my previous face, my previous body. Turn back when I am 23 years old, How ironic was I today? It could have been better if Dr. Connor allows me to go back and travel to the past using a time machine, and twist the clock counter-clockwise a million times so that I can merely do the things I didn't do before. Unfortunately, It's just my age which travels backward, It's just myself who has changed and still I'm in the present. Malalim ang iniisip ko, pero mas malalim ang rason kung bakit ko ito iniisip.

Sa isang pahayag niya lang, nawala at natumba na lahat ng pader na matagal ko ng tinayo. Everything crashed over me. The past, the present, the ache of things I could never have. Ang dating sakit na nararamdaman ko ay muling umahon sa dibdib ko. The pain I thought I had buried came rushing back, and I couldn't hold it in any longer. Akala ko wala na akong mailuluha pa. Hindi pa pala ubos lahat. Suminghap ako sa pagitan ng mga hikbi ko. Nanginginig ang balikat ko habang yakap-yakap ang sarili.

A past I might have lost. And a future I never expected. But one thing was certain. For the first time in many years... I wanted to return somewhere. Not because of business. Not because of obligation. But because two little boys... And their mother... Had somehow become a place I wanted to be. And I still didn't understand why.

Kitang-kita ko kung paano niya pinilit ang pagngiti ng kanyang labi, ngunit wala akong naramdaman. Ngumiti ako at tumango, saka tumalikod. Simula ngayon, Jake is just a part of my past.

Yes in denial kasi alam ko, sa kaibuturan ng puso ko na mahal ko siya. Pero hindi ako aabot sa ganito, na walang maalala kung hindi dahil sa trauma at sakit ng mga nakaraan ko. At gusto kong malaman kung anong ang mga yun. Gusto ko ng makawala. I want to free myself from all the pain and trauma and one way to do that is to remember my past.

The memory still lingers in her like it was just yesterday. "Let's leave the painful memory where it belongs, it's all in the p-past now Tita," she said without conviction because there's still a part of her that wants to seek for something in their past, however she doesn't know where to start. Kapag binabalikan niya kase ang nakaraan nila parang mas lumalabo iyun at bukod doon wala namang masaya doon. All she saw was red, from the start until the end.

And in that single moment… I realized something. Hindi pa tapos ang kwento namin. Not yet. And no matter how much she runs… The past will always find its way back. Especially when the past is me.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko na baka sakaling makatulog man lang ako. Ilang taon na akong walang matinong tulog. Sa tuwing pipikit ko naaalala ko ang lahat. Ang lahat ng mga nangyare sa akin. Hindi ko alam kong anong naging kasalanan ko baka ang laki ng kasalanan ko sa past life ko kaya ako nagkaka ganito. [NOTE: FLASHBACK FROM PAST TO PRESENT ITO. MORE ON ANYA POINT OF VIEW KASI NABABASA NYO. BAKA MAY MALITO KESYO NA BUMALIK SA UMPISA.]

Tinulungan ko na rin siya. “Yes?” “Dito ba ang expressway?” inosenteng tanong ko. Natawa ito. “Naalimpungatan ka pa yata.” Minsan talaga hindi ko alam kung dahil sa amnesia ko kaya ako sabog na sabog o natural na sabog na ako kahit noong past self ko. Hindi ko na alam!

Bawat kataga, may diin. Ngayon, alam ko na. Alam ko na kung bakit sinasabi ni Charlotte na hindi ako belong dito. This family is quite peaceful. Ako lang ang disaster na nagdala ng away sa kanila. I should have lived in my past, where I belong. My past. Where my chaotic world had been built. Where my painful scars are carefully painted, lies that lay ahead, and the echo of pain that murmurs into my head. Dito ako belong.